My Journey

I have taken the advice of so many of my well wishers and have done nothing much more than rest this weekend. Saturday was spent entirely in bed, and today, after a brief walk at Balmoral I have rested. The pedometre has been off the entire weekend so steps will have to be counted at zero. I will be working out the average I need to walk from here on in to achieve the winter walking challenge. I can't believe how swiftly I went from feeling itchy but fantastic to feeling like I had been hit by a truck. My joints are all still a bit sore and the swelling in my hands has gone down enough that I no longer feel like my rings are going to have to be cut off but they are still sore. I will be back at work tomorrow but will continue to monitor myself and take it easy. Enough of that.

July has not been a brilliant weight loss month for me. I had a gain - 200gm, a no change, and a loss - 900gm for a net loss of 700gm. I am hoping at best for a no change tomorrow. I understand that it is possible for the body to hit a plateau at some time but really I think the result is correct based on the input v output. My eating has not been horrendous in that I have not gone over weekly points by much, but I have gone over. And the content of each week (with the exception of last week) has not been balanced and has been made up of more take away than in the previous months. My exercise too has been extremely low. I think I may have been swayed by the number of steps I was taking and thinking that that meant I was doing exercise but really I have not been for a lunch time walk this month. OK for two of them I have been at home either tending to the sick, or being sick myself, so perhaps should not be too hard on myself but there is always going to be times when this will happen. I don't want them to be excuses or springboards to gaining weight again. So before I go to bed tonight, I will be packing my bag so that at least I have my gear with me so I can walk tomorrow. Depending on how I feel it will be a hard walk or an easy walk. But there will be a walk happening!

In the evenings too, I need to pull my finger out. I watch so much TV and I try to excuse that by saying I work all day, I like to spend time with DH, I am tired, but they are just crap excuses. All I need is to give myself 30 minutes to have a jog on the tramp, and 10 minutes to do some abs. That's not much. I just have to start it and make it a habit. Yes it would help if DS1 stayed in his bed and didn't want us to lie with him and pat his back, yes it would help if I had a room I could turn into a gym so that it is quiet, but that isn't going to happen and I need to work around it anyway. It's not that hard. (I'll have to keep telling myself this until I believe it ;) )

Tomorrow will be the beginning of another back to basics week with the constant knowledge that DS2's 1st Birthday party will be on Sunday. I have planned a huge zero point vege and dip platter as well as a cheese and fruit platter. I can and will avoid the cheese myself. Lunch for the adults will be chicken, salad, and bread so easy to count that in my day. The kidlets will be getting a few extra things and as I have avoided eating these things to date I should be OK. The birthday cake is an ice cream cake and I will be having some. So each day this week will be a 20 point day which will allow me an extra 12 points on Sunday. Will be good practice when I hit those 70's and have to be a 20 pt a day girl anyway ;)

So message to myself. Get on with it chook. It's not just going to happen by itself.


Sunday


Saturday

Posted by Margaret at 7:56:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Now that the incredible cute, and extremely young, electrician has left and fixed up my lighting problems I have taken photos of my handiwork. Plus a few extras.

This photo is in DS1's room. I love the unit in the corner. The little frames are also from IKEA and I put some of his recent kindy artwork in them. He loved that idea. As you can see we love books and this is only a small section of them here. All Dr Suess. Crazy books. But really fun and I am amazed he can say some of the words I trip over when reading. That says a lot for the imagination of the young.


This next photo is also in DS1's room and is of his bed . Note the fact that he currently is choosing to sleep with his head at the wrong end. I was forever having to go in there to place back wayward pillows when he was sleeping so solved the problem by rearranging the room and butting up the bookcase against the foot of the bed so that the pillows have somewhere to rest against. There is not much space between the bookcase and the wardrobe but enough for him to squeeze in and have a little hidey place to play and read in.

It has been a whole day and DS2 has not yet destroyed his room! Well I think that is because it has been so dark in there we haven't really been in there and played, but he did pull himself up on the unit, opened a few drawers, and played with the cool wooden lighthouse type stacker toy I also bought at IKEA. Yep, too much shopping. But it goes with the rest of the room which has quite bright colours in it. As you can see by the snippet of the wardrobe next to it.

This wardrobe is such a favourite of mine. When I was abot 36 weeks pregnant with DS1 I decided I had to have a wardrobe just to put his stuff in. We were renting in an apartment and all my clothes were in the built-in in the baby room and DH's clothes were in our room. They weren't going to fit together and with all the stuff we were buying we needed more room. So a hunt through second hand stores turned up a 1930's kitchen cupboard which was lemon yellow and covered in 70 years of grease and fat. Yuck. I cleaned it, stripped it, painted the whole thing with 3 coats of white paint, then added colour. It still looks so good 3.5 years later. And for a second hand piece of kitchen junk it has been so handy. There is a rather unattractive photo of me painting this in my knickers with baby belly covered in paint (well it did stick out a lot by then). I had DS1 early, about 5 days after I finished this and the other piece below.

Believe it or not but this is the top half of a kitchen built in unit that someone chopped off because it didn't fit properly, and the top is an old door off another cupboard. It started life in our house as the TV stand. It was finished in a blue and white crackle paint back then. The draws fit videos in perfectly and the PS and peripherals fit in the side cupboard. But now it has life in DS2's room. I love furniture that you can strip and repaint as the mood hits you. Very eco friendly.


So there is a little insight into my world. Into a very precious part of my life. My boys. And my obsession with colour and painting. ;)

Posted by Margaret at 2:54:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Kirstie Alley, bless her cotton socks, was reported a while ago in one of the No Ideas that she was celebate for a number of years because she refused to have "fat sex". When I recalled that article it made me think about sex in general and how I changed as my weight changed. After having a baby it is normal, and common, for women to go off sex. Part of that due to the physical effort of birth, and partly because you just don't get enough sleep and can't be bothered. It never happened to me. I like sex. I like the kind that takes hours because it is fun, and the kind that takes 30 seconds because you just had to scratch that itch (pardon the pun). Either way - fine. But. As I got larger I became more and more uncomfortable with my own body and did not want to bare it the same way. I became ashamed, and chose to hide it in the dark, or just not go down that road at all. Which was such a shame. Because I like sex. But as I have been losing weight a side benefit is that sex is fun again. I am not ashamed of my body. It has it's battle scars, and it is still under construction, but it works. It is almost like I have become a teenager again, well not quite as randy, but close.

The point of this post. To see how many times I can use the word sex.

7

sex, sex, sex.

I like even numbers ;)

Posted by Margaret at 7:58:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Today my eating has been both horrendously bad, and suprisingly good. Except for dinner my choices were very dodgy but I only ate twice so points actually quite low. How bizzare. Anyway, the kind Doctor has rung to inform me the results of the blood tests taken have showed that I do not in fact have measles (Yaaaa for the fact that I can't pass the contagious pox onto the boys) but I have actually got a viral infection in the Glandular Fever family. (Not so yaaaaa) I don't have the full GF strain but some really long named side strain whose name I cannot remember but goes by the initials VFV. So I am not contagious but I have to take it easy for the next few days as my body is fighting the virus and I am possibly more likely to pick up anything else going around. So *sigh* I get to have another day off work. So very happy that I am only partially poxy. LOL. Itchiness is going down and feeling pretty good. A bit tired but that could be from the extremely difficult manoevres of putting together an IKEA flat pack product. It went something like this:

Unpack box
Check that everything on the list was in the box
Begin assembly by pushing the little dowels in the holes
Put together appropriate pieces
Push together appropriate pieces
Screw appropriate pieces together
Find that the holes for the screws and a few dowels don't line up
Look at diagram
Try again
Look at diagram
Try again
Throw a hissy fit
Get drill
Start drilling extra holes because IKEA obviously messed up
Drill battery goes flat
Charge drill battery whilst putting spare battery in
Start drilling holes
Battery goes flat
Throw battery on the floor
Look at pieces
Turn head
Wonders what would happen if I just changed the pieces like this
Oh
The holes were right
I am a dickhead

Both the boys rooms look fantastic now. The electrician is coming tomorrow to fix up the wiring so when there is light in the rooms I shall take photos and show you my handiwork. As it took me 1.5 hrs to put together the first one and about 40 minutes to put together the second one I deserve to put up some evidence!! And my poor thumb is bruised from turning the allen key so many times. *kisses thumb better*

So thank you all for your wonderful sympathy for my disease riddled self. But don't listen to Mary, your blogs are safe, well I'm not contagious anyway ;)

Posted by Margaret at 9:17:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Last night I had to fight the munchies. I didn't feel like cooking. I didn't feel like any of the frozen 'munchie avoiders' I had in the freezer. I didn't feel like anything. Except for anything that appeared in an advertisement on the TV. I went from craving KFC, to wanting McD to almost hyperventilating over the thought of pizza. It was crazy. I couldn't go out myself but I aired my thoughts to DH whom I was hoping would say "I'll cook dinner" but he jumped at the chance to get something we normally would not. But I was restrained and listened to my body and stopped when I felt full. Which meant I didn't eat a lot but what I ate was heavy in points so went over for the day. Not too much though. Not unrecoverable.

I am still home today with the lovely red hue softening slightly to a dark pink. I am still itchy but during the day it doesn't seem to be too bad. Night time trying to sleep however was an entirely different matter and I needed to take something to help me with that. I am lucky that due to the fact that I had measles as a child I seem to have only inherited the rash this time and none of the 'sickness' that normally comes with the measles. So I feel great - just itchy. Which allows me to get into things at home. I have just returned from IKEA (went early to avoid as many people as possible) where I picked up two tub storage units, one for each of the boys rooms and I am about to put my skills to the test putting them together. Hopefully the bright colours and fun stickers I will put all over them will encourage Master 3 yr old to put away his toys after playing with them. Not sure how likely that is but it sounds pretty good to me.

Wishing everyone in blogworld a happy, safe, itch-free day :)

Posted by Margaret at 10:35:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Well, the last couple of days have driven me mad in relation to blogging. I am so out of sync because I have chosen to blog in the evening at home instead of in the morning during work and risk being "told off". I was just so used to posting, then taking my time visiting all my favourites whilst this report ran, or that email was going, and it just seemed that it didn't impede on my time. Which it didn't because it was taking up work time. Which I know is bad but still... Anyway so I was really wishing that I could just come home and do a post and then catch up on all the things I should have been doing in the evenings (washing, dishes, the bathroom LOL)

So here I am. At home. With the measles !!!!! *sigh* At least I am home. So now I will take my time and visit all my favourites, and catch up on all those things that I have been neglecting and do anything to take my mind off the fact that I am now starting to get really really itchy.

Oh, and the black bit is my undies ;)

Posted by Margaret at 11:09:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Lady at Kindy - we'll call her A

A: Hi there M, you're looking well (imagine beautiful American accent - no I really mean it)
M: Thanks *juggling baby, 2 bags, 3yr old*
A: I mean the weight is really dropping off you
M: Well it's not really dropping ...
A: Why yes it is, your uniform is just hanging off you
M: Yes it is a little big now but..
A: And it has been so quick
M: Well actually it has been 16..
A: What diet are you on, is it Atkins
M: No, I am watching what I eat and eating with WW p...
A: Oh. WW. I tried that. It doesn't work
M: Mmmmmm
A: Yes as soon as I stopped I put all my weight back on
M: Really, look I have to put DS2 in I'm running late for work.
A: Ok, see you later
M: *under breath* idiot

A little later at work

W: *in a low whisper* M are you still into that dieting thing
M: Well, yes I am still watching what I eat
W: Well the wife and I are doing the CSIRO diet and have lost 2 kgs in the last 2 weeks.
M: That's great, you are looking really well, I'm really happy now doing what I am doing.
W: Look, I'll bring the book in for you to have a squiz at tomorrow
M: That's really kind. There's been a lot of press and I'm happy to have a look.
W: You would do so well on this diet
M: I'm not on a diet, just changed a few things, but thanks for thinking of me
W: It would be a great way to kickstart you again.
M: *laughs* I don't think I need kickstarting, am very happy with the way things are going
W: But they would go so much better on the CSIRO diet
M: *through clenched teeth* Look I really have to get back to work *reaches for non-existant ringing telephone*
W: No worries. I'll remember to bring the book in for you tomorrow *walks off*
M: Idiot!

What is is with people today. Do I have a sign on my head that says "Hello - please insult my intelligence because you obviously think something is wrong with what I am doing" LOL I should stop taking myself so seriously. What their conversations really meant (translated for the tact inept)

A: Gee M you are looking so well. Congratulations on all your hard work. Keep going. I wish I had your energy and your skin is looking so good at the moment. OK, see you later.

and

W: Gee M I wish I could stick at something for a period of time without getting really bored and having to try all the new fads that come along. Keep going because you are looking really well and you obviously have found something that works with your lifestyle.

Idiots ;)

Posted by Margaret at 8:42:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

When cleaning up, it is often the case that a lot more mess is made before the clean area shows it's face. This is what it is like in my house at the moment, and also in my mind. The whole early Spring Cleaning thing was just a physical manifestation of what I am feeling inside. I need a dust up. I need to sort out all the old baggage, old data, old ways and toss out once and for all anything I no longer need. To do this, I have had to revisit some of those old things because I can't throw out what I can't see.

Some of the things I have addressed or am addressing are:

THOUGHT: I am a fat girl
TRUTH: I am not a fat girl. I am a girl who is currently overweight. I don't need to hang onto the fat girl mentality. I don't want to think like a fat girl. I don't want to dress like a fat girl. I don't want to feel like a fat girl. So I won't and am taking positive steps to change this mentality. I have removed all of my body disguising clothes. I allow photographs to be taken. I accept compliments when given. I am starting to see the person within and that person is slowly but surely making her way to the surface. This girl is not fat. I am not fat.

THOUGHT: I am a failure
TRUTH: There are some things in my life I have not completed successfully. That does not make me a failure. That makes me (from time to time) lazy, a procrastinator, non-efficient, human. But that does not make me a failure. When I am surrounded by things I have yet to complete I feel myself getting dragged down by the enormity of it all. This sometimes includes my weight loss journey. To address this I need to sort the wheat from the chaff. There are things I have been carrying around in the hope of one day completing. My new attitude is now going to dictate whether this 'project' will positively impact on my life and if the answer is no - then in the bin it goes. No regrets, no looking back. I have lots of 'projects' so this will take some time going through but just to admit that it is OK to not complete something if it no longer suits me or my lifestyle is very liberating. My journey is not going in the bin. I am but half way through till I reach the beginning of the rest of my life. I am not a failure.

THOUGHT: I am unattractive.
TRUTH: I am not a model. I am not what you would call beautiful in the sense that you would take a second look or gasp and lose your breath. But I am not unattractive. So many things I have bought in my life I believe now were a disguise for the unattractiveness I felt inside. The outlandish clothes (when I could fit into them LOL). The need to have the latest toy or gadget. The latest fad books or accessories. All things aimed to fit in or keep ahead of everyone else, or to give people something to look at so that they never really looked at me. I don't need these things to feel attractive. I have now thrown away so many of these things. I don't need props. I am a kind, generous, silly, loving, nurturing, thoughtful, crazy person. That makes me attractive. Not my face.

These things have been swirling around inside my head without the thoughts really making themselves clear. But now they are. And now they are out. It feels so good to go through this and I know that it will take a few more months of sorting through things before I will be free of some of the shackles (I love the word shackles) that I have either imposed on myself or had imposed on me. But I will be free.

And healthy, and successful and really really HOT ;)

Posted by Margaret at 7:25:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Today I have hit my half way mark by dropping 0.9kg off my total (yaa for back to basics). I am making this a short post as I am back at work and just saw on my bosses computer some web/staff tracking software. So it's evenings for me from now on. Probably a good thing ;) Will post tonight.

Posted by Margaret at 8:23:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Wow. I don't think we have ever put so much rubbish out for collection. We are not supposed to put it out till tonight but DH, in his infinite wisdom, knows after a visit to a corporate box watching the footy he will be in no state to put it out safely, so put it all out last night. Clever boy. I was hoping the silly garden gnome carrying an oversized carrot ??? would have disappeared but seems no-one else has taste either. The rubbish has mainly come from under the house where there is a largish area that has gathered stuff from the previous owner. When they sold to the current owner (we just rent from both of them *sigh*) they said we could keep whatever we wanted and could turf the rest. Well it's just a shame we didn't need 23 tins of dried out multi-coloured tins of paint, or a fancy garden gnome, or curtains adorned with brightly but incorrectly coloured farmyard animals. It was more a shame that we didn't need a broken ladder, a paint roller sans the roller, or a box of baby shit yellow tiles. Such a shame. But more than made up for it scoring the cubby house. On close inspection will be an absolute doddle to dismantle and put on the lawn. On another day. LOL.

Now that there is room for us to store our 'heirlooms' I will get to the job at hand of sorting through the study. After our morning walk, and swimming lessons of course. I am hoping both DS's will do me the honour of sleeping simultaneously so that I can stand back tonight and look about me in awe. Awe that I actually did what I said I was going to do. Awe that I completed it. Awe that I can now bounce, bounce, bounce away. Ah, I love my life. :)

Posted by Margaret at 7:30:00 am | Permalink | Comments

It is a beautiful Saturday morning. We are going to have sun today and tomorrow and I am feeling so energised. Yesterday I took on board the great advice given for things to do on my day off and had a luxurious bubble bath. I carried in the little TV and watched trashy daytime soaps. Then I curled up in bed with the slimming magazine until I fell asleep - for 4 hours !!!. When I woke up I had a shower and then it was just about time to pick up the boys. I managed to have something quickly to eat and off I went. But no house work was done.

So this weekend it will be clean, tidy, clean, purge, clean. And I am really excited about it. When I get like this I can do more work in one weekend than usually gets done in months. By the end of the weekend I will have my rebounder set up in its new home (will take photos) and will have somewhere to come and have quiet time and read a book or catch up on blogs. It is general rubbish pick up tomorrow night so I will book a collection then there will be no stopping me. The pavement will be full of rubbish I don't need and have been carrying around too long. Kind of like my weight. If it only is as easy to put out the extra 15kgs on the pavement for collection ;)

Posted by Margaret at 8:22:00 am | Permalink | Comments

It is ironic now that my title is Rebound, as I have had to rebound and retype this post due to the power tripping and turning the PC off. Bummer.

The first rebound is that DS2 is at kindy today. Other than the listlessness yesterday he has not been physically ill for over 24 hours so off he went. He literally jumped into the arms of a carer and then wouldn't even look at me. I think he was afraid I was going to take him home LOL. What a little devil. As fitcat said, they sure are resilliant at this age. Thank you everyone for your wonderful supportive comments. They really are appreciated.

The second rebound is my new toy that arrived in the mail yesterday. Due to the mini-tramps that I have seen to date having a maximum weight allowance of 75kgs I needed to find something stronger that would take my weight. And found I did. I bought an Urban Rebounder and whilst it is more money that I had originally planned on spending I think it will be money well spent. As well as the rebounder itself, it came with a stabiliser bar, which uncoordinated people like me can use till they work out how not to fall off during exercising. It also came with 6 workout videos which look fantastic. I watched one yesterday to get a feel for the moves and even on the basic one I will work up a sweat. Once I get into it I am eyeing off the kick-boxing and latin-american workouts ;) And I LOVE the fact that I can fold the tramp up in half, put it in a carry bag and pack it away. Very handy when we have parties and don't want little hands and feet all over it.

The Back to Basics week has been working out all right for me. I had never really focussed on balancing the food groups before, just counting the points, and have found this week to be a lot better in terms of the types of food I have eaten. And I think that has really helped in how I have responded to each day physically. I am looking forward to continuing that next week when the lure of the snack draw will put extra temptation in my way.

Now, a day by myself. What shall I do? I am sure I will find something exciting :)

Posted by Margaret at 8:42:00 am | Permalink | Comments

If it were not for ww I would shudder to think what I would have eaten over the last week. And especially today. Little DS2 took a turn for the worse this morning and there is nothing as horrifying as seeing a little active terror turn into a rag doll that responds to nothing and falls asleep as if passing out. After a visit to the Dr I am informed that DS2 is in no danger but has a combination of things that has culminated in his lack of energy. Thank God for that.

And thank goodness that I have learnt something over the period of my journey because I am sure without it I would have driven straight into the drive through and loaded up a number of times this week. But I just can't. No matter how tough it is at the moment there is something inside me that says "it is not worth it". So after settling DS2 in bed I have had a manderin, yoghurt, some nuts and will go and boil a couple of eggs when I am finished here. I am proud of the fact that I have not let food be my emotional crutch.

Now, onto the winter walking challenge. There are 13,459 steps to go till my next checkpoint. When I reach each checkpoint I am sent an email inviting me to guess "what is in Kate's bum bag". Then they respond with a cold, warm, hot etc. I am getting pretty close to my guesses and need to reach the checkpoint to get my next email. I love little mind games like this. Makes the exercising even more fun. Currently my average is 8,909. I am expecting something in the mail today that hopefully will give me the incentive to move my butt and get those steps up to the average of 10,000 a day so that I reach the target of 560,000. I will keep a look out.

Posted by Margaret at 9:53:00 am | Permalink | Comments

In a recent ww magazine, and the slimming magazine, it has been reported that 70% of all people who keep a journal whilst losing weight will keep their weight off. If you list one thing you are grateful for, each day, your chance of keeping to your goal increases. This is because the act of listing something positive increases your own positivity towards yourself and thereby helps in motivation and maintaining of loss. As my last post was a bit off-putting I wanted to have a post today that was a bit more positive. So I shall list some of the things I am grateful for today.

I am grateful that:

1. I live in a country where access to modern medicine means having gastro is not life threatening;
2. I am able to take time off work to look after my children or myself without the threat of losing my job;
3. My DH is thoughtful enough to stay at home today to take care of DS2, so that I could take care of myself;
4. I can afford to have the washing machine, dryer and heater going all at once today so that at some stage I will have clean, dry clothes that fit me, and not freeze in the process of waiting for them (and btw - this is because DS2 keeps vomitting on me - not the other stuff);
5. I have a support network that makes me feel warm and fuzzy when I really feel a little less than human;

These are the things I am grateful for today. There are many more things in general but I shall keep them for another day.

Posted by Margaret at 3:45:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

DS2 likes to share. Noice. ;)

Posted by Margaret at 6:52:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Even though I am home again with DS2 (who is much better thank you but until he delivers me a solid stool he isn't going back to kindy) I am feeling great. Yesterdays food and tracking was excellent. I finished on 20 pts but I could not eat another thing. The bigger meals really satisfied me and I found I had little or no inclination to snack. When I did, a yoghurt or piece of fruit satisfied me till the next meal. It feels so good. I made sure that during the day I was eating enough of the different food groups and ended up on Meats (incl eggs) - 7.5, Dairy - 1.5, Fats - 1, Fruit - 4, Veg - 1 (plus 8 no point serves), Breads - 5, Sugar - 0, and Water - 1.2 litres. I started the water very late so ended up struggling to fit in 2 litres. This is a problem I have when I am at home but today I have my bottle with me so will get the right amount in.

I only managed a low step count yesterday but as I slept when DS2 did, I think I did OK. Today however I will be strapping him in the pram and going on a long walk. He is in bed now (but not asleep as I can hear him chatting) so have a little gap to blog, then tidy, then get ready for the walk. The pram is set up so I am raring to go.

I am going to have an excellent day today and I hope everyone else does too :)

Posted by Margaret at 8:49:00 am | Permalink | Comments

This weeks weigh in has shown the scale staying right where it was last Monday morning. Whilst I only went over 4pts for the week and involved myself in some form of exercise each day, I think my body is sending a message to me that that is no longer good enough. It knows what exercise I was doing, and now that I am doing less it is telling me that I better pull my socks up and get to it. I need to push through some of my perceived limitations.

A friend at work kindly lent me her week 1 - 12 booklets for the weekend (thanks KD) and I have been scouring them and reading the menus to get ideas on how to balance my food groups better and I came up with a startling realisation. I was having brilliant breakfasts, lunches, and dinners but all so low pointed that I would need to snack quite heavily during the day to make up my points. Now at work, I am not going to get up and make another full meal at snack time so I was eating cookies, crisp bars, fruit bars (as well as fruit) - all delicious and low points but all very high in sugar. What I need to do is have larger main meals and still allow a few points for snacks but not so many. I am a little afraid that I will still be quite hungry at my normal snack times as the body is used to receiving something at this time, but I will fight through it as I am sure it will only take 2-3 days for the signals to change. I have started my plan with an omelette with cruskits this morning. Delicious. And I have covered off protein, dairy, grains & a vegetable. I am at home today (little DS2 is sick - poor bugger) so the experience will be different than when I am at work - as I have no stash of snacks here - but it will be good as I can have hot meals all day.

Posted by Margaret at 8:27:00 am | Permalink | Comments

No, that's not my name is some fancy language. Actually it is but that is not what I am writing about. Last night I had pizza. My first non-ww pizza in almost 15 weeks. Usually when DH caves in to his pizza craving he orders a delivery pizza from a local wood-fired pizza place. The pizza is good, but not that good that I would have any. The pizza I wanted doesn't deliver. You have to go and pick it up. The people who make the pizza are Italian and were insulted when DH requested that the procuttio was put on after the pizza was made. He was informed they never bake their procuttio, it's always put on after. The pizza crust is so thin yet so crispy that when you take the first bit it almost dissolves on your tongue. The tomato and cheese is barely there but the taste is divine. The procuttio is so salty, so tasty, so incredible - that I had to have 3 slices. And ate a few more points than anticipated. 2 would have been better. But 3 was so good.

I am so ready to go back to basics. It's not that I am lacking in motivation. I am still very motivated. But I am probably less motivated because I am suffering what I think most people go through. I am starting to forget what it felt like to not be able to do up the button on my skirt. I am starting to forget what it felt like to squeeze myself into a seat on the bus and feel that thigh touch from the next person. I am starting to forget what it felt like to have no neck. I am forgetting all those little things that added up to me starting this journey. I don't want to feel like that again so will not allow myself to go back but I need to feel like that again to keep me going. So how to solve my problem. Step 1. Take all my work uniforms in. At a size 18 they are too large. The shirts I can live with but the skirts just swim on me and I need them to be tight around the waist. Step 2. Go shopping and try on some size 14's. There is no way I can fit in them and it should serve as a jolly good reminder that I have some distance to go. In fact just writing this down is starting to get my blood boiling.

So off to do as much walking as I can today and see if I can beat Suzy. She sure walks a lot. Almost as much as I talk ;)

Posted by Margaret at 7:16:00 am | Permalink | Comments

The next checkmark on the walking challenge is "step to it". And that is exactly what I need to do. I am starting to make excuses on why it is so difficult to get to 10,000 steps a day. Yesterdays result is the most accurate I have had for a day with no dedicated exercise other than the walk to Central. As I wore my jeans the pedometre stayed on my hip the entire day and after sanity checking the steps a few times I was happy to say it was accurate. I think because my uniform is so loose and doesn't fit me properly around the hips the pedometre has not been recording my steps accurately the rest of the days at work. So, today, I am going to walk my little butt off to try and bring up my average and I am going to work out a way to have it fit me better during the week. This is my challenge. If I choose to accept it. Which I do.

Posted by Margaret at 7:02:00 am | Permalink | Comments

At the post office yesterday I purchased a book of stamps that has been specially created for Virgo babies (I am one - and there is a book for all zodiac's). I rarely read the zodiac's in the womens magazines because I feel that some people take the forecasts too seriously and I hate that some say you are going to have an excellent week and win millions of dollars and others say you shouldn't get out of bed for fear of getting hit by a bus (slightly exaggerated but you get my point). Anyway after reading all the different sections of this booklet, I am blown away by how predictable a Virgo I am. (See post below for the contents of the booklet - if you want to get to know me better ;) )

Reading this got me thinking about how predictable I am in other areas of my life. And I have to say that I am less predictable now than I was before I started this journey. Before, certain events, celebrations, even shows on TV would have illicited a predictable response in relation to food and drink in that I would have had both to excess. Weather would have illicited a predictable response to exercise in that I would not have done any. Emotional curve balls would have seen me hibernate into myself and not express what I was feeling and instead go on a gorge. These 'predictable' outcomes now (more than likely) don't happen. I understand why a few people are suprised at how I act at functions and parties now because I am different. Rather than sitting at a table, or on a couch, with a plate of food and several glasses in hand (I have extremely good balance) I am now up off my assets and mingling and getting to know people - or more importantly - letting people get to know me.

Posted by Margaret at 8:26:00 am | Permalink | Comments

This is not a weight loss post. This is a post which lists the information about Virgo's as found in the special Australia Post Virgo Zodiac Booklet. I think that this reflects a lot of who I am. Extra commentary is in italics. Read if you dare ;)

Personality

Virgo is ruled by Mercury, which gives the capacity to analyse and communicate. Virgos have good, quick minds and are interested in acquiring information, which they analyse carefully to discard the useless and store what is of value. They have a prodigious capacity for detail and concern themselves with practicalities rather than ideas.

Neat and fastidious by nature (only at work not at home - with 2 kidlets it is not always possible), Virgos tend to be quiet, practical and unsentimental (really - they forgot to tell me) . They can sometimes seem cold and critical, and do find it difficult to admit they might be wrong (all Dutch people I know have this problem) . However, they take their responsibilities seriously and have a great desire to be useful to others. Virgo likes to be needed.

Many worry too much about their own imperfections, and are never satisfied with their achievements. Their thirst for knowledge and compulsive work habits often hide deep fears of failure. (boy - say it like it is)

Virgos are generally domesticated and most relaxed at home. They are refined and discriminating, and knowledgeable on many subjects. They make loyal friends, and are generally kind, considerate, helpful people. Virgos excel in argument and lively debate and enjoy communicating their ideas, but they need to take care not to alienate others. Generally hard and selfless workers, Virgos pride themselves on their efficiency. (I could get a big head here LOL)

Their best characteristics are their practicality, attention to detail and intelligence. On the negative side, they can be too cautious and lacking in confidence.

Romance

In astrology the Virgin is a symbol of self-improvement and fertility rather than chastity. Virgos usually have a strong sexuality (wooo hooo) , although it might lie dormant until the right partner comes along. Virgoes are interested in relationships rather than casual affairs.

For Virgos, love is devotion and they are prepared to wait for years for the right person (10 years!). They are warm, steady and committed partners, rarely giving any cause for jealousy (not when I am a hot mama - then he might get a reason to be jealous ;) ). They will endeavour to maintain long-term relationships, except if they have been betrayed, in which case a reconciliation is not likely. (too bloody right!)

Thoughtful and considerate, Virgo partners will remember dates and anniversaries. Their worst fault is that they can be very critical.

Most Compatible With

Taurus, Cancer, Libra (DH is a Libran)

Working Life

Virgos like a career to offer a certain amount of security. Their natural qualities of intelligence, diligence, practicality and reliability ensure success in most professions. They make very good teachers, investigative journalists and market researchers, and could succeed in politics and employee relations. Others do well in the medical profession, but by and large, Virgos are not especially ambitious (speak for yourself) . They are generally excellent employees, best in a supporting role. They are very good organisers, meticulous and self-disciplined, and like to be helpful to other people. Quick-thinking, analytical and intelligent on the one hand, cautious, critical and methodical on the other, a true Virgo can handle extremely complicated projects. As writers they have a sharp incisive style.

Health

Health is of a major interest to Virgos, who generally look after themselves well with regular routines of exercise and a balanced diet (well now I do). If they do fall ill, they need to be fussed over more than a little (I deserve it).

Virgo rules the nervous system and stomach. Their naturally high levels of physical and nervous energy need to be channelled to avoid a variety of nervous complaints ranging from butterflies in the tummy to serious hypochondria. Proper attention to diet and exercise can help relieve tension and worry. (and relieve Virgos of unwanted excess baggage)

Indeed, excessive worry is at the root of most personal problems for Virgo individuals. They need to learn to centre themselves and achive a measure of inner calm. Fresh air, long walks and cycle rides revive Virgo spirits. (and help to keep Virgos looking hot!)

Spiritual Quest

To learn to discern simple wisdom

Posted by Margaret at 7:30:00 am | Permalink | Comments

After the disappointment of the gym closing waned the search was on for a replacement. And boy did we find a replacement. There is a gym about 5 minutes walk from work, that is part of a private club. We have negotiated a discount on the once only joining fee (down from $123 - $73) and this will include an assessment, program, follow up etc. Then the fees can be taken out weekly or fortnightly in advance for $10.75 per week. My goodness. That's only 75 cents more than I am paying now. They don't have classes as such, but I will talk to the lovely gym guy that I currently have (who will be out of a job soon) and get him to call them and see what he can set up, but they have a 17m pool, squash courts, a boxing room, a huge cardio room with heaps of machines, a decent shower room, and after talking to the staff have found that it is a really quiet gym so there should never be a problem using what I want. How good is that. DH has now agreed to drop the boys off twice a week so that I can come in early to use the pool before work. One of the other girls and I are going to book the squash court once per week (not that I can play but it will be good for a run and a laugh) and the other two days a week I'll work the machines. I am so excited. Can you tell ;)

Posted by Margaret at 9:10:00 am | Permalink | Comments

I learned 3 things yesterday

1) Corn kernels are not zero (0) points. Corn on the cob is 0. Corn off the cob is not. Therefore corn soup made with corn on the cob that you have to de-kernel yourself and risk slicing your fingers off is 0 and corn soup made with frozen kernels because you thought you would be smart and save lots of time is not 0. Bugger.

2) DH is copying all our CD's to our PC as a surprise to me. I have decided I want an MP3 player for my birthday. As it is some time away DH thought he would start loading up the library so that on my birthday, when I get my player, I would be able to start loading straight away. This includes the entire 30 day Anthony Robbins program. Nice.

3) The gym in my building is closing. Just as I was really getting into it and the weather is turning nasty at lunch times, so a treadmill walk is better than no walk, they are closing it. With 2 weeks notice. Bugger.

Every day in my life I am going to be faced with curve balls. Some small (corn kernels not being zero), some medium (gym closing) and some huge (illness etc). It is not these curve balls that are going to make me get off track and return to a more unhealthy lifestyle, it is my reaction to these that will decide it. I get that now. It is up to me to react to every curve ball I get and ensure that I stay on the path I choose.

So I am going to find another zero point soup. I have a stash of low point soups but I really would like a zero for those cold evenings when I want to eat something extra. And I am going to have a look at how much it costs to hire a treadmill for the rest of winter. I am sure I could get one close to my current membership price of $10 per week. I will miss the circuit class but it is not the end of the world. That being said, I will be at the gym every single day till it closes to get every last possible use out of it ;)

P.S. Happy 24th Birthday Vix .

Posted by Margaret at 8:31:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Last night I unpacked one box from my mountain of boxes in the study. Well actually DH unpacked it. After he had dug it out for me. Because I wanted that one. And it was on the bottom of the pile. And I wanted it because it was the very large box with the scribble on the top which read "M's too small clothes - keep". I wanted to see what was in it, and whether it would fit. And if it did fit, was it still in fashion :) I got some yes and no answers.

I found a beautiful pale pink wool shift dress and jacket that I bought in 1999 when I was heading over to Sweden for a wedding. I remember buying it so clearly as I had nothing that would fit me. It was my first (but not last) purchase of a size 16. I remember being in tears in the dressing room. Tears that said I couldn't believe I had allowed myself to get to this size. The lady in the store was brilliant and made me come out and twirl loads of clothes before we agreed on this one. She told me when she thought the clothes made me look hippy, or too large. She was an angel. The dress now fits again. This time the tears were of happiness. With the proper undergarments on (I did try these on very late last night) I think even the baby belly would be OK. The jacket fits amazingly. I am going to wear this with my denim jeans and boots and a shirt. Should look pretty good. I am going to get my wear out of it because this will be the last winter I can wear it ;)

The other clothes. Well. I went to England to work for a year from Feb 1991 - Feb 1992. During that time I shopped. And shopped. And shopped. The clothes in the box were the remnants left of that shopping. There were a few summery dresses. I could get into most (read squeeze and the zipper couldn't quite do up) but they were a 14. Then there was the 12. And the 10. What!!! Was I really ever that small that I could get into a 10. It is a UK 10 so that makes it an Aussie 12 (or if so bent, a US 8). But I don't remember ever being able to wear something that size. But I know I did. When I returned from England I wore this short, cream, dress to DH's family Christmas Lunch. And dropped a strawberry on the dress. And proceeded to clean it up with a red paper serviette. *note to self - never ever use a coloured paper napkin to wipe up anything. Especially not on cream coloured clothes* So those clothes now sit in the wardrobe as an enticement. (Except for the jacket which has gone off to the drycleaners for a jolly good cleaning and press) I probably won't ever wear them again because they are so short. LOL Even I know when I have to surrender to my age. But I'll keep them in there - because I can. ;)

Posted by Margaret at 8:22:00 am | Permalink | Comments

This journey has been a trek of firsts for me and last week (last night) I clocked up another two. The first is I went over my weekly points, and the second is that I had a bath. A long soaking hot bubble bath in complete darkness. It was wonderful. And if I had just done it a few hours earlier I would not have gone over my points by quite so much. You see, on Friday night I 'happened' to snort up a small packet of McD french fries. Whilst I normally allow extra on a Friday night I had had a couple of bigger days earlier in the week so had to have just a normal day. Therefore I only had 32.5pts for the weekend. Saturday was an ok day. An unexpected visitor put the points only marginally higher for the day than planned but it only left me 14.5 points for Sunday. Mmmmmm. Even I knew that this was not going to happen. What I know now is I should have accepted that I was going to go over and just had a normal day of points, thereby minimising the potential blowout. But I didn't. I tried to stick to 14.5 then as soon as I went over it was like a signal to go hell for leather. Silly twit. So after about 10 (or more) ww cookies I decided to head off for a bath, feeling rather cranky with myself. Once in the bath I made a huge realisation that put me back in a fantastic mood. My belly was fully immersed. Whooo Hoooo. Now that may not seem much to some but for me it is great. Being tall I never quite fit in a bath - it's either feet or knees in - never both at the same time, and before my belly would always stick out. But no more.

The scales this morning posted a gain of 200 gms. I would be lying if I said I was happy with it but I accept that it is not only the points over that have caused this gain. The cycle of gains has always followed the week of TOM. I suppose I should just be thankful that for whatever reason my cycle went completely out of whack and it took 6 weeks to post a gain this time instead of 4 :)

Onwards and forwards.

Posted by Margaret at 8:31:00 am | Permalink | Comments

As it is school holidays we do not have swimming lessons with the DS's today but we are off to the pool anyway for some fun. The coats and beanies are ready for our walk this morning by the beach. DS1 is ready and chanting over and over "babycino, babycino" DS2 is being changed for the 3rd time this morning (where does it all come from?) and I have a quick 5 minutes before we go. It is freezing cold this morning. Windy and there is lots of rain about. But as I am not quite getting to 10,000 steps a day lately so I am off to push the pedometre as hard as I can. I need to move it so that I don't fall too far behind Michelle. LOL. What a little competitive mite I am.

Feeling really good as I got a call from my Dad yesterday. He was home. Yippppppeeeeee. He sounded tired but really good but what was really great is that he was ringing me to tell me how great he thinks I look and that he was really impressed by my effort. You see, as I was so happy with the super dooper amazing photo DH took of me, I emailed it to my Mum so that she could see it and she left the email open for Dad to see. What a nice thing for him to do. Especially since he has lost just over 20kgs in 4 weeks (not a very good way to do it) it is ironic that he was congratulating me on my efforts. I am just happy it is an effort and I am grateful that I have this time to do it in and do not have to lose it through illness. At least I am building strength along the way.

Gotto go. I hope everyone has a wonderful, peaceful, happy, silly Sunday. I'm going to ;)

Posted by Margaret at 8:18:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Every day I look at my affirmation cards. They are just little cards, beautifully coloured with an affirmation about trust, love, acceptance, or wealth on them. They make me feel good and help to keep the negative self-talk away and build up my belief in myself. In my abilities and my actions. I believe this has helped me in my weight loss journey in so far as they compliment my moods and assist in thinking and reflecting in a positive way.

I came across this affirmation yesterday and whilst reading it I could actually feel this happening. And it felt really good. I am posting this here so that I have a reminder of what it feels like to think this way. It is almost like having a dream but it being more real than that. This is what I will feel like at goal. I will not be selfconscious. I will not be overbearing. I will not gloat. I will accept and be accepted. For who I am.

"I am walking on the beach, feeling slim and beautiful. I feel people watching me as they notice how lean and strong I am. I feel the warm sand move under my feet as I walk barefoot. The salty ocean air fills my nostrils. I breath deeply, loving the feeling of health and vigor. The waves roll in, their majestic sound enveloping me. I hear children playing and screaming with delight at finding shells or building castles. I am so happy to be alive in this moment and grateful for the new body I have. I feel more confident, healthy, vital, relaxed, and serene. I am at peace with my body and myself."

Posted by Margaret at 8:20:00 am | Permalink | Comments

In 1 month, the 8th of August, my little baby DS2 turns 1. I am currently organising his party (actually I am so anal the whole thing is pretty much done even to the wrapping of his presents LOL). And as I read about Kate organising Amelia's 1st birthday it started me thinking about parties and celebrations in general. In our house August starts the birthdays rolling. There is one in September, October, & December with an anniversary thrown in in November. So 5 months straight where at least one weekend will be devoted to entertaining and celebrating and revelling in life.

When I was young and fat and wanting to lose a few kilo's I would often be heard saying, "I'll start after the weekend because it is someone's party on Saturday", or "I'll start in May because we have Easter coming up", or the biggie "I'll kick it off after New Years because there is no point over Christmas". Let's say I did the New Year thing. What did I think was going to happen during the year. Was the world going to stop celebrating birthdays, Easter, 30% off shoes sale in Myer day, just because I was on a "diet". I realise now how futile this thinking is. Regardless of where I am in my journey, whether it be at this stage of learning and losing, or at the end when I will be learning, remembering and maintaining, I am always going to be faced with choices regarding food - especially at social occassions that I do not organise. I am no longer afraid of these. I don't see a party as a bad thing, a thing to be afraid of. It is just a great opportunity to be with people and practice my choice making. After all, it should be more about the people and less about the food. So I say bring it on. And I have 4 weeks to scour every cookbook and forum I know of to plan and make low point party food and impress everyone with my newly acquired culinary skills :D

Posted by Margaret at 8:36:00 am | Permalink | Comments

One of human kinds most powerful weapons is our minds. We can do practically anything we set our minds to - whether it be positive or negative. Over the last couple of days I have obviously been doing too much thinking. What a silly thing to do ;) I am not giving blogging away, why would I want to drift away from something that has been such a help in achieving my weight loss to date. All I am going to do is restrict myself during working hours. I am going to do my morning post, do a whip around, then close it down. After all I still want to get paid - I will need to buy new clothes soon :)

During my two days of introspection I have realised that I compartmentalise my emotions. I generally show the world a happy, thoughtful, and thoroughly silly side, whilst the deeper emotions of fear, sadness, and loss of control - if recent - will stay bottled up. Ever hoping they will be fixed before the emotions hit the outside layers. Then, when they have been locked up too long they come out as a big sadness that makes me start to doubt and question things. This is when I am at my most vunerable with food. Last night I had a little blow out. I say little because at the time I was unsure how to 'point' it and thought it would be huge, but now that I have checked, it is not so bad. What did I blow out on. Alcohol - No. Chocolate - No. Lollies - No. Ham - Yes !!! DH bought home a piece of fresh deli ham that smelt so good, like a Christmas ham, that I just ate, and ate, and ate. As I had originally planned for a 19 point day the damage was minimal but it did send the alert to my brain that something was going on.

There are a few things happening within my family at the moment and I don't want my blog to become a saga to them, but as they are an integral part of my life, what happens to them does relate to me on an emotional level. Whilst there are 3 separate things happening the one that effects me the most is my Dad. After the wonderful prognosis and excellent results of the operation we thought that the worrying would all be over. It was not to be. After being home only 3 days Dad was rushed to hospital where they found he had been leaking inside, and slowly poisoning himself. If he had waited another few hours, he would be dead. He has not left the hospital since. It has been almost 5 weeks. When I spoke to him yesterday he said that when he looks at his body he is reminded of pictures of prisoners of war. That is a hard thing to hear. But at least he is alive. He can talk. And boy, when he gets out of that hospital this will be a story we will hear again, and again, and again. (and I will appreciate it each time)

I feel that I have done well in the circumstances not to give up, and to continue my efforts to become healthy and strong. And to continue the battle to make silliness an acceptable daytime behaviour :)

And to Michelle. I saw your name at the Winter Challenge site. Yaaa for someone doing it with me.

Posted by Margaret at 8:31:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Following on from my Tagging from AGR aka "Mum/Bob/Sharon" here is my list.

Three names I go by:
1. Mummy
2. Margaret
3. LW (Lovely Wife)

Three screen names I’ve had:
1. Leonell
2. M
3. Margaret

Three physical things I like about myself:
1. My teeth
2. My eyes
3. My skin

Three physical things I don’t like about myself:
1. My fat knees
2. My curly hair
3. My cellulite

Three parts of my heritage:
1. Dutch on my Mum's side
2. Dutch on my Father's side
3. Dutch born, but Aussie through being here since 1971

Three things I am wearing right now:
1. Size 16 Bond's undies
2. Size 18 oversized work uniform
3. A big smile

Three favorite bands/musical artists:
1.
2.
3.
(It's a cop out but it has been so long since I have listened to anything but kids music that I don't know who my favourite is, or if I have one. I tend to listen to a lot of italian singers, and Ministry of Sound compilations)

Three favorite songs:
1.
2.
3.
(same)

Three things I want in a relationship:
1. Love
2. Laughter
3. Respect

Two truths and a lie
1. I overcame my fear of heights by bungy jumping of a bridge
2. I have double-jointed elbows
3. I want to stop eating chocolate

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to you:
1. Strong hands
2. An infectious laugh
3. Great butt

Three favorite hobbies:
1. Gardening
2. Cooking
3. Blogging

Three things I want to do badly right now:
1. Go to Bed
2. Read a whole book
3. Have someone give me a massage (all at the same time!)

Three things that scare me:
1. Rocking chairs that move on their own accord
2. Taxi Drivers
3. Cats eyes when caught in a light

Three of my everyday essentials:
1. Mobile Phone (cute little red samsung phone with diamonds)
2. Photos of my DH & DS's
3. Affirmation cards

Three Careers you have considered or are considering:
1. Owning/Running a child care centre
2. Pediatrician (too hard to spell so gave that away early)
3. An officer in the Army

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Sweden
2. Canada
3. Monarco (want to take DH & DS's with me this time)

Three kids’ names you like:
1. Danielle
2. Hunter
3. Leo
(I have not put my own children's names here)

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. Do my tax
2. Unpack each and every single box and get rid of all unneccesary clutter in my life
3. Jog the entire distance of Hyde Park
(I have done so many things that most of the things on the list I already have going - have been achieved)

Three ways I am stereotypically a boy:
1. I drive like a racing car driver
2. I prune to an inch of a plants life
3. I change lightbulbs myself

Three ways I am stereotypically a girl:
1. I will squeal if a see a mouse
2. I cry at the Hallmark commercials
3. I put my dirty washing IN the laundry hamper

Three celeb crushes:
1. Hugh Grant
2. Hugh Jackman
3. Angelina Jolie

Three people I am tagging with this list :
Kate - A woman whose life is so full that she can handle tackling this list
Cat - A northern hemisphere approach
Jonny - To get a guy's perspective

I have learnt a little about my self with this. I am very involved in my family's likes and I need some time to explore what I like again - for myself.

And so the torch is passed on.

Posted by Margaret at 2:37:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Even though I really love my job there are times when I am bored with a particular project. Or a particular function. Or bored with the whole concept of work. Usually after a sleep deprived night. LOL. Yesterday was one of those days. Even though I worked, I didn't work very hard and I spent a lot of energy making it look like I was working when in actual fact I was blogging or doing other non-productive things. Now, this is not the first day that it has happened. Thankfully it does not happen very often. But it made me wonder what I used to do on those days - when I did not have my blog. Answer. I would eat. You can make eating a danish and having a hot chocolate take a long time if you are experienced ;)

I have been thinking lately that I have been spending too much time on my blog. Reading other blogs. Generally hunting around. And I do spend a lot of time doing this. Time when I could be doing other things. And I was getting worried that it is starting to take over my life. And become an invasive habit that affected other parts of my life. And to a degree it has. But if I were honest it is not the blog that causes me not to do other things. It is me. It is my procrastination about a task (like unpacking boxes - oops) or a project at work (I will finish it by deadline - oops) that makes it not get done. These things were not getting done before I had the blog, it's just that they are still not getting done and I have something else to blame for it.

I do think, now that I have established some better habits in my life, that I need to obtain some balance in my blogging ways. I need to use the opportunity to think, talk, reflect and discover and I am not suggesting that I give it away. But I need to understand that I cannot use my blog as a crutch that I have to lean on with all my weight - less that it is becoming ;) I am very grateful that I have this diversion. To have somewhere to go when the crankies hit, or the munchies start up, or the boredom sets in. The P.C. is my new Fridge. But whilst it is indeed a healthier habit than the one I replaced, I have to make sure that I balance my blogging wants with what my life needs. As Mary has said "It's all about balance"

And, by the way, have you seen Cath's photo's ? What an amazing transformation. It is great to see the progress so many of us are making. It is really inspirational. All the more reason for me to continue working at it and walking. I have a 8 week walking challenge now so need to move this butt. I wonder how many times I can walk a lap of the floor to get to the printer before someone gets suspicious?

Posted by Margaret at 8:33:00 am | Permalink | Comments

I love drinking my water. I am trying to put away 3 litres whilst I am at work. I usually finish 2 and a bit. And 3 cans of d.coke. You would think I am trying to drink it for the health reasons. For helping to flush my system. And that is a good thing and a great reason to drink water. But no. I am doing it because then I have to go and pee. And I want to pee. Lots. Because when I pee I have to go into the toilet. And the toilet at work has BIG mirrors. And I get to look at myself. And I like that. I think I am turning into a mirror whore. This is a very silly post. I am sleep deprived today and I think this is an indication of how my day will be. Silly. So look out ;)

Posted by Margaret at 8:12:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Then. This is the photo that made me take action. (size 18/20+)


Now. There is room for improvement but I am happy that this is me. (size 16.25 - it is a very flattering photo and was about the 20th I had DH take and the only one I was really happy with LOL)

My first post was on the 2nd April when a friend suggested we get off our tail and do something about our weight. I kicked off on ww on the 4th April. It seems like only yesterday, yet 3 whole months have gone by. 3 months where I have achieved so much, and learned that there is still so much to achieve. I am the champion of unfinished projects. Unfinished jobs. Unfinished business. It is an achievement in itself that I am still on this journey. BUT. This is not a short term project for a quick reward. This is not just a job that 'has to be done'. This is my life. I am no longer after a quick fix. I want a long term fix. I don't want a quick gratification only to have it blow up in my face the next day. I want a solution so that I never have to be where I was 3 months ago. And I have one. And I am doing it. And I am going to continue doing it.

This week the scales have shown a loss of 0.9 kg. This brings my total loss over a 3 month period to 13.2kgs. And I think that is great. Today I am celebrating the bigger picture and just want to tell myself - in writing - that I am doing a bloody marvellous thing. I can't control how much weight I lose each week, I can only give my body the best circumstances it can have to get on with the job. And I think that I am doing that. And the changes have been reflected not only in my weight, but in my size as well. I have posted a table of my dimensions (LOL - can't get the freight terminology out of me) below and looking at it all together like this just blows me away.



Then there are the other changes. The confidence I now exhibit when I walk along a street. The fact that I no longer skulk into a clothing store expecting sales staff to tell me they don't stock my size. The positivity I feel each and every day. These are changes that can't be measured in the traditional sense but are every bit as real. I feel good. I feel like I can do anything or at least attempt it and not look like an idiot. And should I ever do something idiotic, or feel like the journey is all uphill, I have my new circle of support who are more than ready to offer words of wisdom, a kick in the pants, or a smile and a hug or two. I count myself lucky every day that I stumbled into this group.

So, self congratulations are now over, I have a long way to go, and the task continues.

Posted by Margaret at 6:22:00 am | Permalink | Comments

A lot of people post that they like to walk in the rain. I agree that it would be refreshing but when you wear glasses you tend to go blind after about 10 raindrops on each lens and then you are just asking for trouble. So when planned walk did not eventuate due to the rain yesterday afternoon I thought it the perfect time to try out the w.w. DVD I picked up last week. Very impressed with the bright pink fit-band that came with it. Matches my workout clothes :) As I made my intentions very clear to DH that I was doing this workout I thought it obvious that I wanted him to care for (ie get out of the way) our 2 DS's. His solution. Put DS2 into the portacot (right behind me) and leave DS1 to his own devices (help Mummy with workout) and go into the study to do some work. ????? So, I could easily block out DS2's protests, of which he tired of quickly and played by himself for a while and as long as I didn't look directly at DS1 whilst he was imitating me and the guy on the screen I could hold it together. I came undone during the Tummy Section. By then DS2's protests had roused DH from his hidey-hole and he removed him from the portacot. And promptly crawled over to me where he began his new game of "Lets crawl under Mummys Tummy whilst she is on all fours trying to push her tummy through her back". It's a great game by all accounts. That did it for me.

As a review I think the DVD is great. The warm up warmed me up. The circuit workout was good. I skipped the Aerobic one. The fit-band section was excellent and I worked up quite a sweat. And I think the stomach section would have been good too. LOL. I'll give that a go another day. I still have to work out how to get the DVD to just play all the sections, then I can skip over the intro and stuff but as an alternative to going outside when it is wet, well it works for me. BUT next time, I will send DH and DS's off to the shops. ;)

Posted by Margaret at 7:20:00 am | Permalink | Comments

It is a beautiful sunny Saturday and we have been for our regular monthly chiropractic appointment as a family. My chiropractor is amazed at how strong my body is at the moment. I needed so little adjustment that it was the shortest appointment I have ever had. Only my feet (due to all my walking) and my neck needed any work at all. It is so exciting. Every time I go a little piece of me is afraid she'll find something that will indicate a return to the horrible bad back days, and each time I seem to float out of there because it just isn't so. It makes me so happy. Off to do all the washing and see if we can fit in a long walk around the park. Oh, and did a little jog to get something at the shops and my newish jeans started to fall down. Whooo Hoooo.

Posted by Margaret at 12:29:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

When I was growing up I only had 2 real fears. Men with bushy beards and moustaches, and thunderstorms. I clearly remember squashing myself under the lower of the bunkbeds during a storm and staying put in the corner until I came out when it was finished, or I was pulled out after I had fallen asleep and put to bed. When I had children I was determined that I would not push my fear on to them, and made sure that they would not have the same fear. So whenever there has been a thunderstorm in the last 3 years the whole family (and the dog when he was with us) would go and stand on the porch, or look out the back window and talk about the beauty of the storm, and the magnificent display of sound and light, and make up stories about what is causing it all. Consequently neither of my sons (or the dog) show any fear when there is a storm. And funnily enough, now neither do I. By facing my fears so that others don't have to share them, I actually addressed it for me and opened myself up to accepting that I didn't need to have that fear - and I let it go.

This journey has also been about facing fears. I was never afraid to put on weight. Never even thought about it. There was never any thought like "Oh when I weigh 100kgs I am going to be so happy" or "When I am a size 20 then I will be able to go skiing" etc. But once I became that size the fear of losing weight starting to come into it. Why should I be scared to lose weight? For me it was that I had put so many expectations on what my life would be like if I did lose the weight. Mainly it was "If I am skinny I would have no more back problems" But what if I did. I was pinning the cure for my problem on the dream of being 'skinny'. Now that the back pain is not there, that has been removed for me as a barrier to losing the weight. Through reading books, weight and self-help type magazines, listening to mentors and people who have gone through this before me I have come to the realisation that the only thing I am afraid of is the unknown. Logically I now understand and accept that when I get to my goal weight the things that bother me now are still going to bother me then. They are not going to miraculously disappear along with buckets of my fat. I am still going to have to remind DH to take out the garbage. I am still going to have to make the money stretch from pay to pay. I am still going to have to clean the house regularly. Myself. So by accepting these things I am no longer afraid to lose the weight. It is as simple as that. I embrace this change. Still have to work on the whole hairy face thing though. Don't think I am scared of it anymore but still not into it. ;)

Posted by Margaret at 9:11:00 am | Permalink | Comments