My Journey

On the way home today I went into Witchery and tried on a pair of size 12 Nelly's (For those unaquainted with Nelly please feel free to read a completely idiotic post here). I could get them on. I could do them up. I could do squats in them - yes this is a test I put all my clothes through. They were snug and I had a fair bit of tummy muffin hanging over the top. But if I wanted to I could have bought them. I remembered that when I bought the 14's (and thanks to the blog I know that was on the 23rd August - 9ish weeks ago) they fit me exactly the same way. It only took a couple of weeks for the muffin to subside. I didn't buy them as I want to buy a shorter pair for summer. The 14's will carry me through if I need a longer pair. They are comfortable and loose in the tail but not at an 'oops I am going to lose my trousers' stage yet. I honestly believe that if I had completed all 6 weeks of the DAJS challenge the jeans would have been a better fit.

But, I am signing up for the Christmas walking challenge which kicks off on Monday 7th November and finishes 19th December - perfect for my trip to Adelaide. It is a counting steps challenge so between now and then I will be strapping the pedometer on again and fine tuning it to ensure the results are accurate.

For a complete change of plan, just before I left work DH called me and suggested we go for a picnic dinner with the boys tonight. I thought it was an excellent idea. So I detoured into the supermarket before picking the boys up and stocked up on Chicken, roast pumpkin & potatoes, bread rolls, drinks, banana's, strawberries, plates, cutlery, and wipes. Drove back through the city to pick DH up and drove to the little playground near our house. No-one else was there and it was magnificent. I laid out the food on the picnic table whilst DH chased the boys around the grass and pushed them on the swings. We ate and chatted then played some more. It was so nice not to have the TV or radio on whilst we ate. It was so peaceful to be in the fresh air and just enjoy the view of the city skyline even though the top of the buildings were shrouded in dark clouds. We won't be doing that every night but it was really great that there was no impediment to acting on an impulse. No concerns about being too tired, or worried about what people would think, or anything. It was just so perfect.

Now all I have to do to ensure the night remains perfect is to ignore all the Halloween treats that we have left over. I will be bagging them up and taking them to work tomorrow for the Melbourne Cup afternoon tea we are having but until then I am on Milky Way and Mini-Dinosaur alert ;)

Posted by Margaret at 9:50:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

This morning saw the scales 1.0kg lower to sit at 19.5kg lost and 8kgs to go. It also saw the month lower by 500gms. I am really happy with that. At the beginning of the month I had a large gain which followed a gain the week before. It was the first time I had gained twice in a row and I could see that it would have been very easy to chuck the whole thing away. Which is ridiculous really because why should a gain of 2.5kgs throw the loss of 17.1kgs (at that time) out the window. We are a strange breed. LOL. But I pulled my finger out and did what I needed to do to pull it back. I wasn't expecting quite a loss this week, I was hoping for 500gms to at least keep this month as a maintenance one, but am very happy with the loss.

So, it is now a new month. Only 6 weigh-ins until we leave for Adelaide. If I keep my determination hat on (I will remove it for a suitably fluffy Race Day hat tomorrow) then I should end up at a very reasonable weight for Christmas.

It is the end of my 6 week challenge. I have to admit to not following it as strictly in the last 3 weeks but I can still see a major change in the shape of my upper legs and butt. I will be trying on the size 12's on the way to pick up the boys this afternoon so will report on the fit later. The new Christmas Walking challenge will be starting soon and this one is an all steps challenge so I will set that up and start walking my way to Christmas.

I am going to have a great week :)

Posted by Margaret at 9:30:00 am | Permalink | Comments

My DS1 who is almost 4 has a beanie baby type pig who has been his shadow since he was about 4 months old. This pig, who started off nice and pink but is now a mottled greyish colour, has spent every night with my son and most days too. For the last year, since he has become a big boy, Piggy stays at home during the day and is very rarely called upon on weekends, but is still a big part of his evening. We have had many nights where we have had to turn the house upside down to find piggy just so DS1 could get to sleep. So imagine my horror on Friday night when the request went out to find Piggy that I realised that Piggy was at kindy, in the locker, as had gone 'visiting' that day. I took a deep breath and explained the situation expecting, at best, a complete meltdown. I was happily surprised. Yes DS1 was very sad that Piggy was not there but calmly told me that she was looking after kindy and he would see her on Monday. He has managed to sleep each night this weekend without his Piggy by have a fill-in take her place. I am very proud of him.

This got me thinking though about the things I carry around with me daily in my life. There are props that I use to disguise hurt, shyness, embarrassment. Some of these are traits, some of these are physical. And some of these are GONE!! Shapeless clothes have been a prop for me for many years. As I was 'developing' I used them to avoid unwanted attention, when I got larger I used them to disguise the size I was (who was I kidding by the way!). Now I have replaced this prop with more fitted, stylish, comfortable clothes that make me feel good and young and happy. I have a few more props that I need to work through but DS1 has shown me this weekend that just because a prop has been a lifetime habit - it doesn't need to stay one.

Posted by Margaret at 8:59:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

I'm seriously thinking about writing a letter of complaint to my place of employment. I mean - how do they think I am going to be able to function now that they have taken the mirrors out of the lifts??? When am I supposed to get my mirror whore fix in. It was the last bastian of whoredom before I stepped out into the street. In front of people. Now I am constantly worried that I have salad or nuts or some other healthy bit of foliage between my teeth. Is my hair mussed up just right. And am I showing just the right amount of figure off without going overboard. *sigh* I used to do all this in the lift. Even when there were other people in it ;)

Mum hasn't made a decision yet. She wants to wait till my Sister has her baby. Then she will make a decision. The counsellor wants her to do it but understands why she wants to wait. She just said that the decision has to be made before there is no point at all anymore. Thank you once again for all your kindness and support. *mwah* And remember to move your clock one hour FORWARD on Sunday morning. Happy weekend :)

Posted by Margaret at 8:03:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Today I spoke to my Mum for over an hour on the phone. Closer to two. It was one of those conversations where it jumped from subject to subject with one recurring thread woven in the middle. Today she and Dad had been to the lawyers and they have written their wills and organised all the legal stuff in relation to Mum signing over all her interests in their business, their leases, their properties. It was done so that Mum can stop worrying that it had not been done, and Dad can have peace of mind that it is something he won't have to deal with after she has gone. I am the executor of the estate and I will be sent my own copies for signing in due course. Part of me hopes I will be pleasantly surprised by the hidden wealth listed within (there is none LOL), and part of me hopes that this all has been a bad dream.

Tomorrow they are off to visit with the Chemotherapy Counsellor. It has been two weeks since the initial visit and Mum is supposed to tell her what decision she has made in relation to therapy. The choices are 1) Don't have the chemo, 2) Have the chemo as prescribed, 3) Have the chemo but take part in a trial. Number 3) was discounted today as after reading the paperwork Mum fails on the weight loss check. She has lost too much body percentage which will rule her out. I am glad as the trial requires a lot of testing every week and if she is part of the trial that does not get the super dooper drug you wonder why you are doing it for. I know that trials are important as they will help countless people who follow you but right now I am feeling a bit selfish about my Mum.

So that leaves chemo or no chemo. She doesn't know what to do and she doesn't want to think about it. At the initial meeting the Counsellor was really helpful and quite encouraging about the advances made in the treatment of this specific cancer using a new drug. She explained that the life expectancy has increased by 5 times. You can now expect to live up to a year. One year. I know that that is better than nothing and a lot more than the weeks we were advised of initially but it was something that Mum found very hard to hear. Someone being all chirpy and positive because the maximum you can expect to live is one year. Average 5.5 months.

So even though that is a short time we are happy that it will include Christmas. I have booked my holidays and plan to drive to Melbourne on the 17th Dec and then on to Adelaide on the 19th. We'll be back in Sydney on the 7th after having driven through Melbourne and staying for a couple of nights again from the 5th. Mum is very excited about us coming and we are talking about accommodation, presents, Christmas dinner. So all good positive things to keep her focussed. And to keep me going. Hopefully by then I will look more and more like Christmas M. Only then I would have to somehow double the size of my head and halve the size of my boobs LOL. Not going to happen :)

Posted by Margaret at 8:17:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

DS1 has been practicing his song for the Christmas Concert at childcare. They are doing the Aussie version of Jingle Bells. I printed out a copy today so that I can help him practice but got to thinking about doing a version of my own. I did. It is below. Sing to the tune of Jingle Bells. Thanks Cath for the link to make my Digital Doll. I had so much fun. This is Christmas M :)



Checking out the fridge
Preparations almost done
This years Christmas lunch
Is going to be fun
Food done nice and lean
Salad and veg galore
Dessert of fruit all nice and fresh
Who could ask for more

Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
We'll all be looking mighty hot
On a great warm Christmas Day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is cool
Oh what fun it is to know that we as Bloggers rule!

The dance floor has been cleared
The music's up quite loud
Everyone is coming up and saying
You should be proud
You're looking mighty fine
And very happy too
It's really nice to finally see
The smiling and happy you

Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
We'll all be looking mighty hot
On a great warm Christmas Day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is cool
Oh what fun it is to know that we as Bloggers rule!

The day's turned into night
The table has been cleared
All the sleepy little kids
Into waiting cars are steered
I haven't had too much food
I've been careful with my grog
I am feeling so fantastic
Can't wait to tell my blog!

Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
We'll all be looking mighty hot
On a great warm Christmas Day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is cool
Oh what fun it is to know that we as Bloggers rule!


And we do ;)

Posted by Margaret at 2:08:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Is my weather pixie. I'm going to look like her one day. And I want her clothes too :)


My other post today is too sad and I didn't want it on the top anymore. Thanks for all your comments. I am no hero and nothing special but there are some things I have to do or I can't live with myself very well.

Posted by Margaret at 9:05:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Whilst there are people who may not believe it there are two circumstances that render me speechless. One is witnessing an act of unspeakable cruelty in the form of an attack, or abuse of someone who is less than able to defend themselves. And the other is witnessing true beauty whether it be in the form of nature or human. Today I witnessed both.

After dropping the boys off at care I was walking back to the car when I heard some screaming. From the sound it was a young male. As I was on the roof I was able to position myself at the end of the ramp and could see what was happening 4 levels below me. There was a young lad (YL) aged anywhere from 13 - 16 and an older bloke (OB) perhaps in his 40's or 50's.

YL: Screaming "No, no, no"
OB: "Shut up"
YL: Crying "If I go home I am just going to get abused again"
OB: "That's your f'in fault"
YL: Screaming & crying "No, no. It's not my fault"
OB: Who just noticed me. "Come on" and away they walked

I went to my car and parked it in the long day park. I was shaking. I didn't know what to do. Do I call someone? What would I say? My mind is too fertile to overhear these sorts of conversations. After I parked I headed through the shopping centre to take the Travelators to the ground floor to the exit to catch my bus. As I neared them the screaming started up again. They were in the centre. I looked down and saw them at the Commonwealth Bank ATM. The OB had the YL by the scruff of his neck as the YL was taking money out.

YL: Screaming "Let me go"
OB: Yelling something undiscernible
YL: Really screaming as the OB took the money off him "Give me my money back"
OB: Something with a lot of f'in's in it.
YL: Crying as he picked up the money OB had thrown on the floor
OB&YL Then headed off in the direction of the car park

There were about a dozen people travelling either up or down the travelators on the time but I wasn't paying too much attention to them as I was already 2 minutes into my phone call to the Police. I gave them all the information and descriptions I had but did not render my opinion on whether they were father / son or whether it was a dealer / user. I was shaking and very close to tears. Did I do the right thing? For me - yes. I don't know what is going to happen next but as I said to the Police, someone may call in later about these very two people and they at least had a time line to work to.

I have been thinking about this all morning. There are some nasty people in this world and it is very very sad. To my credit my determination hat may have been jolted, but it did not fall off. I straightened it and I have not strayed from my plan.

When lunch time came I needed to go for a walk outside. I needed to just walk and clear my head. When I got outside it was raining. For a split second I entertained the thought of heading to the gym to treadmill instead but as the sky was more blue than grey I figured the odds were on my side to be more dry than wet. As soon as I thought this the rain stopped. I walked through the park soaking in the beauty. There is nothing like the light that shines through Sydney on a spring day.

I climbed up the steps to the war memorial reflecting in the sombre silence, I strode through paths highlighted in dappled sun as the sun strained to get through the copse of leafy Morton Bay Fig's. I could see people talking but it came to me in muted waves so it just became background noise. I could have been the only one in the park. I considered testing my tree running distance but incorrect undergarments put a stop to this. At the fountain I stopped for a minute and just looked around me. Really looked. When you live in a city as iconic as Sydney it is too easy to take forgranted the beauty that is everywhere. I headed back and as I did I passed a pregnant woman walking the other way. She had her exercise gear on, a smile on her face and was rubbing her belly oblivious to anyone around her. It took my breath away.

I am much calmer now. I have had my lunch (delicious salad with ham, pickles, mushrooms, pine nuts, carrots, red cabbage, lettuce and the new ww lemon & black pepper dressing) and have finished another bottle of water. I will go and get changed and get back into work.

I am very glad that I wrote this down but I do apologise if it has caused anyone any undue trauma. It has helped to remove it from my head so that I don't need to keep thinking about it. And I am also very glad that in a world where there is both evil and good, that I am one of the good guys.

Posted by Margaret at 1:22:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

The scales this morning came in at a nice round 77kgs which makes 100gms down for the week. 9kgs to go to goal. And that is the direction I aim to go this week.

As I was getting ready for bed last night I was thinking about determination. When I began this journey I was so determined. Determined to succeed. Determined not to go over my points. Determined to do my exercise no matter what. And that drive, that determination has been quite lax for a while. I have been happy to go a day without exercise. Well not exactly happy but there has not been this little voice in my head telling me I had to do it 'or else'.

So after I brushed my teeth and noted happily that the entire household of men were asleep (finally!) I did an ab workout. Granted it was a little one and I was not properly attired, but I did it anyway :)

This week I am determined to:
1) Stick to 140 points for the week
2) Stay under 14 sp's for the week
3) Exercise everyday (3 days x weights, 3 days x cardio, 1 day x swimming, & 7 days abs)
4) Drink +2 litres water every day - including weekends
5) To try 2 new recipes this week
6) To let the sunshine in every day

I have my determined hat on now and look out anyone, including myself, who dares try to take it off.

Posted by Margaret at 8:27:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Where there is rain, sunshine will follow, and in the middle rainbows can be found.

Today I am nursing a hangover. My first for 6.75 months. However I am almost ashamed to say how much I drank. Not because I drank a lot. Oh no - that would be normal. My ego has taken a beating because of how little I drank to make me feel this bad. I am, as I have been rightly advised, a cheap drunk. LOL. At least I saved money (there - silver linings in all events). Would have saved more if we didn't order pizza. And would have saved the embarrassment too as the pizza guy had to knock really loudly in order to wake us up to accept the delivery. It was only 9.30!!

Even though I feel less than human in the head department I still have had a great day. Children have no regard for hangovers so when the human alarms went off at 6.00am we were up and firing. We got to Balmoral in all its glorious sunshine at 7.30 and tottled off for our walk. Because we have the loan car at the moment (car is finally being fixed) we can't bring the pram anywhere because it does not fit. So DS2 was strapped into one of those little tricycle things with the really long detachable handles and that worked really well. There were so many people there today and who would blame them. 25 degrees, sunny, no breeze, gorgeous.

Then it was off to swimming lessons for both boys and they both had great ones. DS2 is just so confident and now has the strength to hang on to the side and climb out of the pool himself. Then he has no problems jumping straight back in. He is a little minx and it was great seeing him have so much fun.

I am feeling better today. Have decided I have to move forward and get on with the job at hand. Thanks.

Posted by Margaret at 9:44:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

All week I have been in a bit of a down mood. Not enough that I exhibit sad behaviour outwardly, and not enough that I can't get a kick out of a good joke, or react to a tantilising blog entry. But privately, inwardly, I have been a bit sad. The sadness normally only starts to kick in with destructive type behaviour when I am at home. Since that is where the sadness currently resides. It is not my Mum or anything terminal or anything like that. But it is a trust issue and I haven't yet bounced back in my actions as quickly as I have in my words.

During quiet patches at work where my brain does not have to fully engage I also get a bit sad and tend to wander into territory that is not so good for me. Like into the fiendish box of Dark Choc Crisp Mint bars. (As a side note - these are magnificent. They taste like Arnotts mint slices but unfortunately I have the same problem with both - I have not yet learnt to only have one).

So this afternoon I took myself off for a walk to get a drink and to buy a magazine. I thought it would take my mind off things. I was checking out the gossip ones, the home ones, and glanced over the fitness ones. One magazine jumped out at me. It is the Oct/Nov issue of Oxygen. On the cover is Brandy Flores. She is hot!. But the entire magazine is devoted to "Buff Mums". It gives you exercises to do whilst you are pregnant so that you are better able to bounce back after the birth, it gives you things to do post birth, and it even gives sods like me a chance who didn't do anything before or after and now want to flatten out the old tummy area. There are also some pretty scary looking ladies in there who go the whole hog with body building but I will take the information I am comfortable with and use that. My bathers arrived last week so there is no excuse now. I will take the 'before' photo's this weekend and work out a manageable program to do at home. Then I will take regular photo's to track the changes. When I am satisifed that I can actually see some changes I will get Jonny to help me morph them altogether.

If that don't work then it's off to the lipo fairy for a bit of a vaccuming ;)

Posted by Margaret at 7:33:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

I have been tagged by AGR.

The rules are:

1. Go into your archives.

2. Find your 23rd post.

3. Find the fifth sentence (or the closest one to it)

4. Post the text of your sentence in your blog along with these rules.

5. Tag five other people.

This is what I had posted:

"Then I generally slide straight back into bad habits and feeling oh so sorry for myself"

LOL. The only miserable sounding sentence in the whole post. I was going to pick another more positive sentence but I am afraid people will check. :) This was my weigh-in three post and it was Anzac Day the weekend before. I had just got to a point where I realised that I am worth the effort of this journey. I still think that. And I never did buy the reward I spoke about. It is never too late LOL.

So now I tag:

No one because I have read a few already and don't want to ruin a good thing. If you read this and you are inspired, please tag yourself. I'll find you ;)

Posted by Margaret at 7:18:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

I am a huge fan of the show The Biggest Loser II. I like the concept. I love the trainers. However when watching it on Monday night I really stepped back and thought about the people that watch this show. As well as the morbidly curious (like me) who watch mainly as source of entertainment there are people watching this show who are going to take away from it the expectation that they can achieve the same results - in the same period of time. This scared the hell out of me. Reading blogs, forums, and countless other information sources it is easy to see that there are people on this weight loss journey who hook into shows like this and then are left depressed, angry, and frustrated because they were not able to emulate the results. This then leads to binges, more self-recrimination and destructive behaviour.

I would like to say here for the record (and in my absolute laymans opinion) that if you have a job, a family you care for, are studying, are pregnant, do volunteer work, or combinations of all of these you cannot get the same results - in the same time period. The contestants on this show have no other responsibilities other than to exercise, eat well and sleep. Yes they learn lessons, and they are faced with temptation but none of them have to take their children to the doctors, or wait 6 hours in emergency, none have to start work at 3.00am and then come home to work on their own business, none of them have to do their tax, work a full day, go to the dentist, have meetings, play sports, finish an assignment or sit an exam during this period. Real life can get in the way of weight loss but it doesn't have to halt it. It just slows it down to a manageable level.

We all can achieve our goals. We will just take a little longer than those contestants - that's all. But if either of those trainers are reading this and you want to come to my place to whoop my butt into shape - come on over ;)

**I am off my soap box now - do I earn bonus points for that little tirade? LOL**

That all being said, if you want to be a contestant on the all new Australian version of the Biggest Loser go to their site and download an application form.

Posted by Margaret at 7:44:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

On the walk on Sunday I was talking to Cath and Mary about a gift I got DH for his birthday last year. It was a visit to a place called artescape where you get put in a head to toe white disposable overall - kind of like a big white blob (as we both were back then) and then you get taken to a room, given a piece of masonite (cheap version of a canvas), and you get to go mad creating a masterpiece. There are no paint brushes. You use things like Barbie doll heads, salad servers, soccer balls, pieces of chain etc. It was hilarious and makes for one unique gift.

I would highly recommend it as a great option. It was hugely entertaining as they also supplied beer, wine and snacks before hand. Which is where the farty comes into it ;)

My painting is the wild one on the right. The one DH did we have entitled "Fireworks at the Beach" LOL we are pretentious sometimes.

Thank you re all the great advice on the previous post. I think that with all the other changes I have made, it will not hurt me to hold onto the yoghurt or d.coke at this stage. I will keep looking for alternatives and when I find ones that suit I will incorporate them into my day.

Posted by Margaret at 3:58:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

It has been 6 and 1/2 months of my journey and during that time my eating habits have definitely changed. When I started I ate purely to stick to points without any real thought of the balance or health factor of the food. I used a lot of pre-packaged food - especially the Weight Watchers and Nestle brands. These foods made it easy for me as they are pre-pointed and took a lot of the guess work out of my day. My drawers at work were always full of snacks that I could dive in to and know automatically how to point them. These included fruit bars, cookies, choc crisp bars, cheese nibblies. All low points but all processed. And to be fair these items were what I needed in that they helped me stick to the plan. They satisfied my sugar and sweet cravings whilst my mind and my body were undergoing this transformation. And I think for someone starting this journey they are a very useful tool and there should be no guilt at using them.

So it came as a bit of a shock to me when I realised that my drawer at work had been empty for quite some time without me really noticing it. It has been months since I have bought ww cookies. My fruit bowl on the other hand is now always full and that is what I go for first when I want a snack. The pantry at home has no ww mousse, has no sponge cake mixes, no jelly satchets. The freezer does have some frozen meals but they are now used as an exception rather than the rule. My food intake is now more 'whole' than it was. The points are more likely to come from a source of protein or some extra carbs in the form of potatoe or a gluten free pasta. It is time for me to be thinking about the health issues of food. And this is where I am currently stuck.

There are still some things that I eat & drink that would be considered problematic. The Nestle yoghurt that I love is artificially sweetened and to replace that with a European styled natural yoghurt (which I also like) would mean almost tripling the points for breakfast. And I drink d.coke. I drink between 2 - 3 litres of water a day and I also drink at least 2 cans d.coke a day. Sometimes more but it is something that I am still having to work on daily. But I don't drink tea. I don't drink coffee. I can't stomach more than one hot chocolate a day and frankly I would rather eat the points than drink them. So is there an alternative for me? I am on the hunt for a point free drink that can be my alternative to d.coke. I will do my research and post any findings, but would be more than happy to take suggestions.

So I pat myself on the back for learning what I have so far and for making automatically healthier choices and being open to learn more. Now if I can just find out how to make point free Jim Beam I would be a very happy chappy ;)

Posted by Margaret at 9:07:00 am | Permalink | Comments

This morning saw the scales post a loss of 1.3kgs which brings me back to 18.4kgs lost. Tracking every day - no matter what I ate - drinking water, and exercising most days helped make today a more favourable outcome. This week I shall continue on this route and add back in the devotion to the drop a jeans size challenge. My 14's are comfortable with a little bagginess in the tail and I am going to have to put back the effort to get the 12's in 2 weeks. I will buy the same brand to make sure the result is at least a little controlled.

So with the rain drops pattering overhead and the day lovely and cool I say "Bring it on" ;)

Posted by Margaret at 7:21:00 am | Permalink | Comments

I was going to title this post "Gee my boobs look big in this" but thought I had better focus on the walk instead.

The walk was really brilliant today and to show that we did turn up and we did wear out shirts here is a photo of Cath, M, and Mary. Don't we all look super sensational? My shirt had a big print on the back, and Cath put a small one on the back of hers. All in all I think we gave those corporate professionally printed t-shirts a run for their money. Though, to be fair, some of them were so clever and colourful. We have a year to improve on our design :)

Even though the sky was menacing and there was a few spots of rain we completed the entire 5kms without getting drenched. We crossed the finish line and received our victory bottle of water yaaaaaay. Then we headed for another (what felt like a million but was probably only another 5km) walk to go and get some lunch and chat. It was really great. I am very grateful and happy that Mary and Cath came along. I was extremely nervous and lost count of the 'nervous wees' I had to do but I need not have been worried. It was very easy. They are both kind, funny, warm, real people who stepped outside their comfort zones to meet up. And I thank them.

And I thank all the wonderful people in this community who sponsored my walk. I won't name you all here as I have thanked you all individually and I don't want people to think this is a habit we can get into. I am touched beyond belief that you responded the way you did, and in conjunction with my fundraising at work helped raise $340.00. Amazing stuff.

So now I have to go and rest my gluteus maximuses (my butt) and play with my boys whilst DH goes off to golf. Yes, he booked himself a tee off time and hoped for the best re my return time. LOL.

Posted by Margaret at 1:43:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Tomorrow is my friend MF's birthday. And as I am already otherwise engaged (Bloggers - in - Joggers) I am taking her out bowling today. Should be a hoot and use up a few muscles and hopefully burn off the rest of the sultana's ;)

Have a great day

**Edit to Post**

Got my butt whooped but it was hilarious and I improved in every game so not disappointed at all. It is always good form to let the birthday girl win anyway ;) Not too bad food wise, only shared a bowl of the best hot chips I have had in Sydney. Haven't really had anything else so looking foward to steak and vege's for dinner.

Am feeling good.

Posted by Margaret at 9:33:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Following on from Suzy's example I too am putting up my list. To be in a position where I am able to be positive about myself is so empowering.

Complete the following phrases: (Here are my answers)

I am eager to … discover new things, enjoy old favourites and embrace all that life has to offer, for many many years to come.

I doubt myself when … I allow bad habits to creep back in. But I know I am strong enough to stop them before they do any damage.

I feel powerful when … I am at the end of the day and I have achieved everything that I set out to do, and I feel happy and strong.

I'm proud of myself because … I have managed to change not only my eating and exercise habits, but to have fostered a better lifestyle by being more active with my family and within my community.

My 10 favourite things are … my family, my friends, a good book, great healthy food, being active, my computer (and with it all the people I meet), clothes that are fashionable & fit, great shoes, handbags, jewellery (I am a girl after all LOL)

I am most grateful for … the opportunity to have changed my life.

I can simplify my life by living without … preconceptions (good or bad)

I feel my mission in life is to … live it to the fullest. Be positive in my outlook and my actions. Provide a stable environment full of love and laughter so that my boys will grow up to be balanced young men.

In my wildest dreams, I … could not have expected the changes that have taken place inside of me during the last 6 months. The outside is the most visible but it is the inside that is now cleansed and ready to support it.

I believe in myself because … I know that I can do anything that I set myself to do. Armed with the right tools, and knowing that I have the support of my family and of this blogging community, I believe that I can achieve every goal. And I know that hurdles are just that - they can be overcome.

Posted by Margaret at 11:02:00 am | Permalink | Comments

At my age you would have thought that I could read. Properly. And seeing as how I work with numbers and spreadsheets you would have thought that I could put numbers in a spreadsheet and press a button. To get the right answer. WRONG.

Today I purchased a pack of yoghurt covered sultana's thinking that it would make a nice snack. I was not sure of the points but I thought that it would not be too high. When I got to work I entered the kj's and the saturated fat numbers into the spreadsheet and it returned the wonderful pt value of 2.1. For the whole pack. Yippppeeeee. So I ate them. All. In one sitting. Then I felt sick. And full. And bloated. Then I started thinking that that didn't feel right. For something so low in points to make me feel that full wasn't right. So I got the packet out of the bin. And entered the figures into the spreadsheet again. Just in case. It returned a point value of 21. 21. Not 2.1. 21. Oh heck.

Having just finished my very light dinner my official points for the day are 39. You know if I was going to have such a high day it would have been nice if one or two of those points were alcohol. Which I could sorely use right now ;)

Posted by Margaret at 7:31:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

I have a friend called Margaret. Yes there is more than one of us, and no I do not have a split personality. This Margaret lives in NZ and has been supporting me by email since almost the beginning of my journey. She has now just started her own journal to have a place to ramble, discuss, ponder, and like us, to be accountable for her actions. If you have a sec, drop in and say hello :)

And thank you to all the new people who have been popping in and saying hi. If you don't have a blog and I can't say it to you personally, please know that I really appreciate the comments and support.

Posted by Margaret at 8:31:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Because I do not want to discuss my new hair colour today, here are my tracking details.


The brunch and morning tea snack really took a lot of my daily points. This had the effect of making me quite hungry during the day and having to try and distract myself from getting something extra to eat. However, this did aid in me drinking 4 x 750ml water bottles (I think I need one of the portable loo suits as depicted in Jak's post). I did not go to the gym or do another power walk, but did go for a gentle stroll to try and stretch out my very sore legs.

All in all, a very good day. Oh - except for the hair (LOL - It is not that bad, but hairdresser I ain't)

Posted by Margaret at 8:06:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Two days. No sneaking. Whooo Hoooo. And better still - I don't feel like sneaking. I have eaten good healthy foods and I feel great. I am working my way through the Sumo Salad's new menu and today had the Smoked Salmon and Goats Cheese. Can I just say - Yummmmmmm. It is an expensive habit though and I will be restricting myself to once per week from here on in.

And as I have been trying to spice up my lunches I thought I would get some "Velish" soup to have in my drawer for those occassions when I can't be bothered putting together a salad. 3 serves of vegetables in each one but at 3 points a serve for the Butternut Pumpkin, and the Roasted Vegetable with Garlic and 4 points (!!!!) for the Sweet Potato and Herb I am not sure I will be indulging too often. I suppose I will have to wait and see how filling they are.

I went for a walk at lunch and instead of heading to the gym to hit the treadmill I tagged along with a couple of ladies from the office. Omg do they walk fast. I thought I was working hard in the gym but I could barely keep up. The only way I could was if I didn't talk and even then I had to let them go because it was killing me. Thank goodness for traffic lights as I seemed to catch up with them when they had to stop there. It was a hard walk but a beautiful sunny day and it just feels good.

And hopefully I will feel good tomorrow if I don't completely stuff up my hair that I am currently colouring. Oh well, it can always grow out :)

Posted by Margaret at 9:26:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

This week is Mental Health Week. 9th - 16th October. My work has put out a lot of information and has an information booth in the foyer. I usually just go past this sort of stuff but today I stopped and read the information and came back to my pc and read some more.

According to the Mental Health Council of Australia, there are three things we can all do to protect our mental health - ACT, COMMIT and BELONG.

ACT - strive to be as active as possible - physically, mentally and socially. Engaging in activities such as walking and swimming will improve your mental and physical health. Enjoying hobbies brings balance to our lives.

COMMIT - look to the future and have a go. Taking on a challenge, getting involved in a community activity or volunteering to help others are all ways to contribute in a positive manner to your world.

BELONG - join a group, talk to a friend or neighbour or invite someone over. Creating ties to your community is important for support.

Good mental health enables us to more fully enjoy and appreciate our environment and the people around us. We can often better resist stress and tackle our challenges with a positive frame of mind. It allows us to be creative, to use our mental abilities to the fullest extent and make the most of opportunities. Good mental health also allows us to enjoy positive relationships with others and be motivated to participate and enjoy life.

However, mental health problems can cause changes in a person's thinking, behaviour and feelings. These in turn impact on their ability to work, and maintain healthy and positive relationships.

I don't think that I was ever at a stage where I was clinically depressed but before I started this journey I was definitely having some very dark patches where I would just sit and cry and stay in my room and not do anything. I also had some dark thoughts in regards to my life. I am so glad that I have taken the three steps mentioned above. Not only have I lost weight and become a fitter, healthier person, I have changed my whole mindset in regards to my life and what I think it holds for me. I am a much more positive person.

Posted by Margaret at 8:48:00 am | Permalink | Comments

I have had a lot of great advice today and I have taken it all and run with it. Had a great day with food and am currently sitting on 14.5. It is low but I will get it up to at least 18 before I go to bed. Had a great session at the gym. Not doing the weights for over a week really shows in the way my legs are feeling now but I did all sets and all reps at the prescribed weights. The last few on the 3rd set really had me using all my strength just to keep the weights even. It felt really good. I took a friend with me to get my bus ticket as I buy from the 'Lolly man' and even though I had strengthened my resolve this morning, I was not leaving it to chance.

So I am off to do my arm exercises and my abs and fold up clothes whilst the Biggest Loser II is on. I have been officially kicked off the p.c. tonight as DH has to do some work (Hmmm I really think it is time he made some money and bought me a laptop LOL)

Thank you for all your kind and wonderful comments re my photo. But just to let you know - the jeans are a s14 and whilst they fit really well in the hip/thigh department there is rather a lot of the muffin popping out effect in the stomach area. This is why I only wear long torso tops. No crop tops for me :) The cami and the cardigan are s12 and fit snugly but still OK to wear out in public. A couple of kgs and some toning will see these fitting really well. I am enjoying wearing more fitted clothes now, and due to being tall I do think I wear clothes well. But it is in the un-clothed department that the true state of how far I have left to go comes out. I am being very realistic and not overly hard on myself. There is no point to that. I look good in certain areas (chest / arms) and not so great in others (tummy / thighs / butt). My bathers did not arrive today and when they do and I take the 'starting point' photos I will see whether I am game enough to bare all my 'in progress' areas. Then you will all see what a good cut and plain colours can do for your figure ;)

P.S. DH had white chocolate mousse cake at work for his birthday today and dared to ring me whilst he was eating it. I hung up on him!

Posted by Margaret at 7:43:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Well! I thought the scales would slap me but I didn't expect them to tackle me to the ground and beat me soundly around the head. But they did. With a gain of 1.9kgs. Bugger. I am not going to say that it is all good, or that I am happy with the gain. Because that just isn't true. But I have had a laugh at myself and I a know that this snapshot of where I am today does not indicate to me that I am destined to fail. I am going to succeed. And I am going to get to my goal. Just not today :)

Posted by Margaret at 6:21:00 am | Permalink | Comments

*warning - long post. Actually when do I not have a long post. LOL*

I read a lot of blogs. I read them because I want to and because I get something out of each and every one. Sometimes it is a recipe, a piece of advice I can use in my day, a head nodding moment of agreement, a laugh, or just a feeling that as people are going through their days they are facing the same struggles, and having the same little wins that I do, and this gives me inspiration. And then there are the days that I read a blog and I have a "Kaching" moment. This happened during the week when I read Jonny's blog. Even though I am an anal retentive statistician by nature I also have a very creative visual side that just sprang to attention when I saw his fabulous morphing photo montage. Not only the fact that he looks bloody amazing but the fact that there was this record of where he started, his progress shots, and his current physique just made me sit up and take notice. I want something like that.

I have to admit that the last couple of weeks have been the lowest in terms of motivation for me. I know that I have eaten OK, and I have exercised moderately but nothing like the drive I had at the beginning. People sometimes say "oh I have to get the motivation back that I had at the start". Well I can't get that particular motivation back because there are 19 less kgs to motivate me. I have to find a new motivation. And thanks to Jonny I have. When my new bathers arrive (hopefully on Monday) I will be taking front and side profile shots to create a snapshot of where I am physically. I am going to be doing this every week until I reach my goal. And when I beg Jonny really nicely to help me, I am going to have a morphing photo montage of my own. I can already feel that this has helped as my gym bag is already packed for the week and I am excited about going tomorrow.

During these last two weeks I have also been indulging in what I like to call 'sneak' eating. This is when I eat and no-one else sees so then it doesn't count. And because in the first couple of weeks the scales must have looked the other way this little habit of mine has grown. However the scales have had the blinkers taken off and tomorrow they will be giving me a right slap around the head. Serves me right. I know that I can eat all of the food that I have been sneaking. Just not in the quantities that I have been having them in. I have now made a vow that I can continue eating them, but I must always do so in the company of other people - that I know or know me. There is no point including the people on the bus as they are not likely to lean over and advise me that it is not in my best interest to shovel all that food in my mouth. No. And this brings me to another funny thing. I bought a chocolate bar on a walk to Central. Then I couldn't eat it. I was so afraid that it would be the moment I put a piece in my mouth that someone would walk past me from blogland and say "Are you M?" And I would smile and say yes and have my teeth covered in chocolate. Yuck. It put the wind up me enough that I waited till I got in the car before I had any. Then I felt like a fraud. I didn't finish it and in fact as I was reading blogs on Friday or Saturday night I got up and chucked the rest in the bin.

Part of my sneak eating I know has to do with the walk on Sunday. The fact that I will be meeting people from here has got me so nervous that I have slipped back into old defensive actions. Some people think that because I can talk that I am not a shy person. But I am to a degree. I have an irrational fear that when I meet new people they will be disgusted to the point of making no pretense of manners and just walking away. This used to happen to me at one of my schools and those sorts of scars don't heal quickly. I know now that these people were jerks and did this to everyone. I wasn't special in their victimisation. But when you are a teenage girl in a new State you don't see anything else other than your own pain. I like to think that I have grown out of this. That my adult rationality, coupled with my complete insane sense of humour, will allow me to take each situation as it presents. And I do. And I will on Sunday. As far as I can see Mary, Cath & perhaps Sarah are all insane normal people - just like me :) I mean why else would you agree to meet on a 5km walk rather than at the pub ;)

Today has been a great day. It started when loading the boys into the car for our walk at Balmoral and the ladies from across the road came out to put their green waste out for collection. They waved me over and made a real fuss over my weight loss. They jokingly said they thought a new lady had moved in. I laughed as that obviously meant DH was having an affair - with me!! Our walk (well a stroll really because I was wearing this outfit) was really cool and we finished off the disposable camera film with some silly shots. Now I can develop it and get the photos from the wedding done.

Then it was off to Chatswood Chase to get a hair cut for DS1 and some bathers for DH.

After that we came home and I actually got to have a nap in the middle of the day!! It was bliss. Both the boys went down so DH and I took the opportunity to have a sleep for a couple of hours before we all went out to meet friends at the Gourmet Pizza Kitchen in Neutral Bay for DH's birthday. Oh yeah. Happy Birthday Mate *mwah*

So now it is time to settle back for the evening. Enjoy a glass of red. Hopefully watch something interesting on TV. And just cuddle with my man on his birthday. And tomorrow I start my progam of really shaping up this body of mine. And along the way I will be getting some, and providing some, hopefully useful information from the Absolutely-Flabulous site. I encourage you all to visit, and whilst it is in it's infancy it will grow into a site well worth making regular visits to.


I would like to say a heartfelt thanks to Cath, Suzy, Sarah & Jaykay for your generous support for my walk - thanks guys. I know the JDRF appreciate it as much as I do.

Posted by Margaret at 7:06:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

I am a very competitive person. I like to do things well and I like to get a good result. In the past the competition has been against other people and there has always been a measure to work against. This is the first time in my life that the competition/challenge has been purely against myself. I measure against nobody else.

People in blogland lose weight at different rates. And that is how it should be. We are all different. Some of us use weights and some don't. Some run and some don't. Some have families and some don't. Some count points, calories, portions. And then there is the matter of our starting sizes, our heights, our heritage. All of these things make up the fabric of who we are and each of us will react to food and exercise in slightly different ways. But if we eat correctly and move our butts we all will get to our goals.

My weight loss has given rise to a few discussions around the workplace lately. I think it is because I am wearing casual clothes a little more often and as they are now clothes in the correct size (not 4 sizes too big) the loss is quite noticable. In particular WM1 (workmate 1) & WM2 were having a discussion and bemoaning the fact that I was now fitting into a size 12 jacket of WM1's, which was their size, but as they weigh less than me they were cranky that they didn't fit into a smaller size. I stepped in and we have a really great discussion on how they shouldn't measure themselves against me or anyone else and that even though my weight is more, I am much taller than them so the weight is distributed differently allowing me to be the same size in that particular jacket. They were happy with my explanation.

Just heard from my Mum. After 5 weeks the surgeon is back from his holidays and she and Dad had gone to see him to get an update. After the discussion Mum is very happy and positive. The outcome is still definitely terminal but as she looks so good and is in no pain he feels that the very short term he originally suggested could be a little bit longer. So there is a very good chance she will be here for the birth of my sisters baby and we are hoping she will be here for Christmas. Whooo Hoooo.

Points FTD: 30+
Points Left FTW: 43
Sugar Points:10+
Checklist: 4/5 (too much sugar)
DAJS Challenge: Day off
Other Exercise: Walking
TIAGF:The human spirit

Posted by Margaret at 10:39:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Staying Alive - Staying Alive *doing imaginary John Travolta dance*

I had the best fun today. As a member of our work Christmas committee (I was the only member for a number of years but now there are three of us) we have decided that we are going to go Disco Bowling for our work Christmas lunch this year. And even though we had checked it out thoroughly on the internet and had discussions with the function co-ordinater, we thought it best that we check it out for ourselves. Just to make sure that the transport was ok (the bus) and that the facilities were up to our very high standards (cheap beer - plenty of food). It was all that and more.

During the discussions I asked one of the other ladies if she wanted to play a game so the guy who was chatting to us said we were more than welcome to play - on the house! Whooo Hoooo. Then he started offering us drinks. Coffee, wine, champagne. (I think he fancied us :) ) We took some water. And then we played. The big screen was belting out such classics as Wham, Roxette, Elvis and of course the Bee Gee's. It was a scream. It was even funny when I threw my first bowl down and went for a sixer because my legs got all tangled up in my long work skirt. Oooops. I solved that problem by hiking my skirt up and tucking it into my undies. LOL. What a sight. Which brings me to another point. Do you think that 19kgs ago I would have had the guts to tuck my skirt up. No Way. But today I did and even though I looked like a complete idiot, my legs looked OK and I didn't fall over again. (Note to self: wear jeans to Christmas Lunch).

Food has been OK today but when buying a magazine I also bought a bag of Natural Confectionary Company lollies. Normally I buy snakes and I know that 2.5 snakes = 1 point. And I am normally pretty good at limiting myself to 1 or 2 points for the day. But today I ate the whole bag. Damn. Must have been all that extra exercise. Walking, swimming, & bowling.

I am feeling pretty good at the moment. After swimming today, and having to keep pulling my pants up I bit the bullet and ordered another swim suit. I ordered it from Vivaswim, where I ordered the last one from. I remember when I ordered it and I was quite sad that I needed to order a size 20 and the cup was a DD (blooming heck!) but it fitted properly and gave me the confidence not to back out of swimming. Well, today the size is a 14 and the cup is a C (am a bit dubious about this but that is what their measurements said to order). I have gone the chocolate brown rather than the black and have got board shorts too. That way it will do me at the beach as well. Am very happy with that reduction in size :)

Points FTD: 27
Points Left FTW: 73
Sugar Points:6
Checklist: 3/5 (not enough water, too much sugar)
DAJS Challenge: Done
Other Exercise: Swimming, Bowling
TIAGF:Fun

Posted by Margaret at 8:07:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

(Current photo to be inserted here once film developed and scanned in. Darn digital camera gave up)

Would I be happier today if I had lost 400gms and lost the 20kgs this week. Yes. Am I less estatic that I have lost 19kgs in 26weeks and am living a much healthier lifestyle. HELL NO! I have come so far in 6 months - both physically and mentally - and I am amazed that I have achieved the things I have. If you would have told me at the beginning that this could be possible I would not have believed it. But perhaps I did. Somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind I must have believed it is possible because here I am.

I took my measurements this morning and can I just say - Bloody Hell! (LOL - should stop swearing) I am so glad I decided to take measurements because on a weigh in day when the weight goes up, looking at the measurements going down sure helps to keep the positivity up. And the best stat from below. The fact that my bust now is what my waist used to be. Looking down at my body it is hard to imagine that that could be possible.




This journey has been about so much more than the weight. The weight is a HUGE part and without it, the journey would not have been begun, but as I have travelled through the months it has been fascinating to look at how I have changed in other ways and how those changes have made it easier to continue down a healthy road.

Today is all about celebrating the journey that has begun. The stage that I am at now and the excitement about where the future will find me. The things I am most excited about are:

1) I have lost 19kgs
2) I have lost 100.5cm in size
3) I have learned that I am not alone. I have to do the work myself but having support and guidance has made this journey so much easier. (thanks guys)
4) I have a much healthier relationship with food (most of the time :) )
5) I have learned that eating unhealthily for one meal does not mean the end of the road
6) I can keep up with, and sometimes outlast, the boys on an active day
7) I am more confident
8) I can wear clothes that show my figure without embarrassment
9) I do not let my weight/size stop me from doing things.
10) I am more fully involved in my life
11) I have learned that I can cope more easily with personal crises and that overeating does not solve anything
12) I have more respect for myself
13) I understand that taking time out to look after me is not being selfish.
14) I am worth spending the time and effort on being the best I can possibly be.

So that is the journey that has begun. I open my arms today to take on whatever the next 6 months has to offer.

** Edit - Thank you Julie for your donation for my walk. I really appreciate it and know that you can't walk with us - this time. Hope your foot heals quickly. **


Points FTD: 20
Points Left FTW: 100
Sugar Points: 2
Checklist: 4/5 (not enough water)
DAJS Challenge: Done
Other Exercise: Walk to Broadway
TIAGF:Stickability

Posted by Margaret at 8:29:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Transposed from manual journal written on holiday

We awoke to another glorious day today and started it off in our customary fashion of walk and play on the beach. I just love it. This will be one aspect I will miss so much when we go home. I have become very used to us all being together and just running and playing.

The wedding itself was glorious. A little country church. Beautiful scenery. Lovely heartfelt wedding. Just so nice.

What was not so nice was the change in plans re the payment for the babysitters. When we were invited to the wedding the groom spoke to us re accommodation and babysitters. As DH and DS1 were in the wedding party he said that he was organising the accommodation for us and that the babysitters would be coming from a creche from a pool that they manage. All paid for and organised. However. At the wedding I was pulled aside by the other mother in the same situation, who had been advised of the same payment terms as me, and she advised that she had just been told that we were paying for the sitters and the rate was $25/hr. Bugger! Long story short - we renegotiated with the sitter, who was a lovely lady, and left for the reception feeling much better. Had a great time at the reception. Eating, drinking, talking, dancing - having a ball. And when my lovely DH came over and asked if I wanted to go for a walk along the beach I just thought he was being romantic. But, all he wanted was a bit of privacy to tell me he had just been handed the bill for the accomodation. WHAT. So there goes all our money. The Bride & Groom wanted no gifts but had a wishing well for money if you wanted to give that to them. We had been generous as we thought they had done us a huge favour using friends and family and staff for accommodation and sitting.

I thought I was over it but as I sit here and write, and the pencil keeps breaking because I am applying so much pressure I have to admit that I am not. I am very cranky. I am cranky because had the decisions been left to us we would have made arrangements ourselves and been accountable for our own decisions. We may have done things differently but we still would have come.

I am going to sleep now and try to remember the peace, and love, and beauty of this place and of the wedding. And if DH snores once, just once, he is going to get it ;)

Posted by Margaret at 12:00:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Transposed from manual journal written during holiday

Narrawallee Beach


Today could have come straight out of a novel. The kind that flows along, no plot, no real storyline, just easy and leaves you at the end calm and satisfied. The four of us have never really taken a holiday on our own so eating breakfast together before stepping out our front door to have a play on the beach was just wonderful. There were so many people already taking in the bracing sea air and laughing at the antics of the boys. It was great to see grandparents with the grandkids, young families, older couples, and the young pair who obviously only met last night at the pub becasue no one is that happy to see on another at 8 in the morning. LOL.

I left DH with the boys and strode off for my interval walk. It was invigorating. Because it was sunny I had stripped off to my rolled up trackpants and a singlet and it was amazing to feel the sun on my skin. The rest of the morning till late afternoon was spent swanning around in my halterneck dress and swish new shoes - shopping, having lunch at the golf club (smoked salmon with artichoke followed by grilled barrumundi with avocado) and picking up compliments from the people we met along the way whom we haven't seen for a year or so. A cousin of DH waited till we were alone at the table and told me I looked stunning. He asked me questions about the "how / how long" and congratulated me profusely. I like this guy. Suppose that is why he is DS2's godfather :)

The evening saw a quick change of clothes (because I can LOL) and off for a BBQ to celebrate the last night of singledom for the groom. I ate BBQ prawns and scallops, some fresh bread and left before the rest of the food was served.

The boys are asleep, I am tucked up in bed listening to the noise next door where they are celebrating the brides last night as a single girl. It has been a magical day and I am going to complete it by finding out why "French Women Don't Get Fat" - thanks Mary :)

Posted by Margaret at 12:00:00 am | Permalink | Comments