De-cluttering the mind
When cleaning up, it is often the case that a lot more mess is made before the clean area shows it's face. This is what it is like in my house at the moment, and also in my mind. The whole early Spring Cleaning thing was just a physical manifestation of what I am feeling inside. I need a dust up. I need to sort out all the old baggage, old data, old ways and toss out once and for all anything I no longer need. To do this, I have had to revisit some of those old things because I can't throw out what I can't see.
Some of the things I have addressed or am addressing are:
THOUGHT: I am a fat girl
TRUTH: I am not a fat girl. I am a girl who is currently overweight. I don't need to hang onto the fat girl mentality. I don't want to think like a fat girl. I don't want to dress like a fat girl. I don't want to feel like a fat girl. So I won't and am taking positive steps to change this mentality. I have removed all of my body disguising clothes. I allow photographs to be taken. I accept compliments when given. I am starting to see the person within and that person is slowly but surely making her way to the surface. This girl is not fat. I am not fat.
THOUGHT: I am a failure
TRUTH: There are some things in my life I have not completed successfully. That does not make me a failure. That makes me (from time to time) lazy, a procrastinator, non-efficient, human. But that does not make me a failure. When I am surrounded by things I have yet to complete I feel myself getting dragged down by the enormity of it all. This sometimes includes my weight loss journey. To address this I need to sort the wheat from the chaff. There are things I have been carrying around in the hope of one day completing. My new attitude is now going to dictate whether this 'project' will positively impact on my life and if the answer is no - then in the bin it goes. No regrets, no looking back. I have lots of 'projects' so this will take some time going through but just to admit that it is OK to not complete something if it no longer suits me or my lifestyle is very liberating. My journey is not going in the bin. I am but half way through till I reach the beginning of the rest of my life. I am not a failure.
THOUGHT: I am unattractive.
TRUTH: I am not a model. I am not what you would call beautiful in the sense that you would take a second look or gasp and lose your breath. But I am not unattractive. So many things I have bought in my life I believe now were a disguise for the unattractiveness I felt inside. The outlandish clothes (when I could fit into them LOL). The need to have the latest toy or gadget. The latest fad books or accessories. All things aimed to fit in or keep ahead of everyone else, or to give people something to look at so that they never really looked at me. I don't need these things to feel attractive. I have now thrown away so many of these things. I don't need props. I am a kind, generous, silly, loving, nurturing, thoughtful, crazy person. That makes me attractive. Not my face.
These things have been swirling around inside my head without the thoughts really making themselves clear. But now they are. And now they are out. It feels so good to go through this and I know that it will take a few more months of sorting through things before I will be free of some of the shackles (I love the word shackles) that I have either imposed on myself or had imposed on me. But I will be free.
And healthy, and successful and really really HOT ;)
Some of the things I have addressed or am addressing are:
THOUGHT: I am a fat girl
TRUTH: I am not a fat girl. I am a girl who is currently overweight. I don't need to hang onto the fat girl mentality. I don't want to think like a fat girl. I don't want to dress like a fat girl. I don't want to feel like a fat girl. So I won't and am taking positive steps to change this mentality. I have removed all of my body disguising clothes. I allow photographs to be taken. I accept compliments when given. I am starting to see the person within and that person is slowly but surely making her way to the surface. This girl is not fat. I am not fat.
THOUGHT: I am a failure
TRUTH: There are some things in my life I have not completed successfully. That does not make me a failure. That makes me (from time to time) lazy, a procrastinator, non-efficient, human. But that does not make me a failure. When I am surrounded by things I have yet to complete I feel myself getting dragged down by the enormity of it all. This sometimes includes my weight loss journey. To address this I need to sort the wheat from the chaff. There are things I have been carrying around in the hope of one day completing. My new attitude is now going to dictate whether this 'project' will positively impact on my life and if the answer is no - then in the bin it goes. No regrets, no looking back. I have lots of 'projects' so this will take some time going through but just to admit that it is OK to not complete something if it no longer suits me or my lifestyle is very liberating. My journey is not going in the bin. I am but half way through till I reach the beginning of the rest of my life. I am not a failure.
THOUGHT: I am unattractive.
TRUTH: I am not a model. I am not what you would call beautiful in the sense that you would take a second look or gasp and lose your breath. But I am not unattractive. So many things I have bought in my life I believe now were a disguise for the unattractiveness I felt inside. The outlandish clothes (when I could fit into them LOL). The need to have the latest toy or gadget. The latest fad books or accessories. All things aimed to fit in or keep ahead of everyone else, or to give people something to look at so that they never really looked at me. I don't need these things to feel attractive. I have now thrown away so many of these things. I don't need props. I am a kind, generous, silly, loving, nurturing, thoughtful, crazy person. That makes me attractive. Not my face.
These things have been swirling around inside my head without the thoughts really making themselves clear. But now they are. And now they are out. It feels so good to go through this and I know that it will take a few more months of sorting through things before I will be free of some of the shackles (I love the word shackles) that I have either imposed on myself or had imposed on me. But I will be free.
And healthy, and successful and really really HOT ;)
Points FTD: 22
Sugar Points: 4
Points Left FTW: 132
Exercise: Walk to Central - Done. 30 minute rebounder - Got a better offer ;). Total steps - 6,737
TIAGF: A roof over my head and the space to make a mess in
Wow - I love this post - there are feelings in there i can so relate to & you've done such a great job of squashing the negative thoughts! Welldone on this wks loss! halfway wow - you must be getting close to the top of your WW range too!!
Posted by
Kt |
July 25, 2005 7:54 pm
What a great post !!! I can relate to so much for what you said. I said to someone earlier today - if only I could be the 'fat' girl that I used to think I was - how great would I feel because that 'fat' girl was probably 12kgs lighter than I am today !
Take care and have a great day !
Me
Posted by
Me |
July 25, 2005 8:01 pm
i have failure issues so maybe that could be my mantra. uncluttering the mind is tough, you are my heroine :)
Posted by
Cat |
July 25, 2005 8:07 pm
Great post today, and well done on acknowleding these thoughts and confronting them head on! You're definately NOT a fat girl, NOT a failure and NOT unattractive.
Loving it!
Posted by
Emily Campbell - Independent Stampin' Up!® Demonstrator |
July 25, 2005 8:11 pm
This is an awesome post!! It really hit home with me and some of the negative self talk that I have too, that is being changed into positives daily.
I keep saying to D as well, that this WW thing will be the first thing I will ever truly succeed at doing and I am so determined.
If we can do this, can you imagine how much confidence we will have in doing other things!
Posted by
Mary |
July 25, 2005 8:51 pm
I so admire how far you have come on this journey which is way more than just a weight loss journey. You are finding yourself and liking what you find. You are a very fortunate person to have made this discovery. Your posts always make me very introspective and as I said at the start of my journey it is not about feeding my body but feeding my soul. You make me think and that is helping me. Thanks.
Posted by
michelle |
July 25, 2005 9:27 pm
Love this post - you really have come a long way since we first started reading your journal. You really are an inspiration :-) This has given me lots to think about - thanks!
Posted by
Kate |
July 25, 2005 9:54 pm
Have you been chatting to Dr Phil? LOL
A great post, v timely for this little black duck. The power of thought is often underestimated and it's good to be reminded of the fact that my thoughts are my own and it's up to me to ensure they are positive.
Posted by
CaramelKitKat |
July 26, 2005 12:32 am
What a great post. It is clear to me, just from reading what you choose to share with us, that you are indeed a very attractive person.
Posted by
Sue |
July 26, 2005 5:47 am
Hi Margaret - your post really got to me! It is something that many of us can relate to. I know I have many mixed thoughts racing in my head at times and you summed it up perfectly. Have a great day!
Posted by
Anonymous |
July 26, 2005 7:17 am
You have such a fantastic approach to life and it is inspiring to us all. To have your strength, outlook on life and your ability to achieve all you are striving for is something all of us yearn to have. You give people the ability to believe in themselves and that makes you one of the most beautiful people I know!! Be proud of yourself!! XX
Posted by
Anonymous |
July 26, 2005 8:32 am
I really love the way your dealing with all issues and not just eating. I think that is truly the answer to reaching goal and staying there
Posted by
Anonymous |
July 26, 2005 9:08 am
Your really really should write a column!!
I like reading this post M, it touched base, particularly the bit about 'thinking like a fat girl'.
I don't think I have ever stopped doing this, I identify with large, unhealthy people more than I do with positive, healthy, and energetic people. Maybe it's keeping me from getting to goal, 'cause it's easier and less work to accept than getting to goal and having to put in so much effort to stay there.
I think I'll leave the rest of these thoughts on my own blog! haha, you're influencing my thinking M, keep up the good work.
P.S. Congrats on your loss this week!
Posted by
Cath |
July 26, 2005 10:40 am
Great post M. We all know and can see that You are NOT a fat girl, you are NOT a failure and you ARE attractive and it is good that you are beginning to see this yourself.
Posted by
Suzy |
July 26, 2005 10:49 am
Wow - you have written what has been in my head for ages!!!
Posted by
Leighanne |
July 26, 2005 3:48 pm
Where do you come up with all these wonderful entries. Sometimes I can only write about what I have done today instead of thinking about how I can change the way I think. Thank you for such interesting entries my friend. I don't always comment but I do always read and think about what you are saying.
Have a great day
Chubbymum
Posted by
Anonymous |
July 26, 2005 6:45 pm