Just chatting
Today I spoke to my Mum for over an hour on the phone. Closer to two. It was one of those conversations where it jumped from subject to subject with one recurring thread woven in the middle. Today she and Dad had been to the lawyers and they have written their wills and organised all the legal stuff in relation to Mum signing over all her interests in their business, their leases, their properties. It was done so that Mum can stop worrying that it had not been done, and Dad can have peace of mind that it is something he won't have to deal with after she has gone. I am the executor of the estate and I will be sent my own copies for signing in due course. Part of me hopes I will be pleasantly surprised by the hidden wealth listed within (there is none LOL), and part of me hopes that this all has been a bad dream.
Tomorrow they are off to visit with the Chemotherapy Counsellor. It has been two weeks since the initial visit and Mum is supposed to tell her what decision she has made in relation to therapy. The choices are 1) Don't have the chemo, 2) Have the chemo as prescribed, 3) Have the chemo but take part in a trial. Number 3) was discounted today as after reading the paperwork Mum fails on the weight loss check. She has lost too much body percentage which will rule her out. I am glad as the trial requires a lot of testing every week and if she is part of the trial that does not get the super dooper drug you wonder why you are doing it for. I know that trials are important as they will help countless people who follow you but right now I am feeling a bit selfish about my Mum.
So that leaves chemo or no chemo. She doesn't know what to do and she doesn't want to think about it. At the initial meeting the Counsellor was really helpful and quite encouraging about the advances made in the treatment of this specific cancer using a new drug. She explained that the life expectancy has increased by 5 times. You can now expect to live up to a year. One year. I know that that is better than nothing and a lot more than the weeks we were advised of initially but it was something that Mum found very hard to hear. Someone being all chirpy and positive because the maximum you can expect to live is one year. Average 5.5 months.
So even though that is a short time we are happy that it will include Christmas. I have booked my holidays and plan to drive to Melbourne on the 17th Dec and then on to Adelaide on the 19th. We'll be back in Sydney on the 7th after having driven through Melbourne and staying for a couple of nights again from the 5th. Mum is very excited about us coming and we are talking about accommodation, presents, Christmas dinner. So all good positive things to keep her focussed. And to keep me going. Hopefully by then I will look more and more like Christmas M. Only then I would have to somehow double the size of my head and halve the size of my boobs LOL. Not going to happen :)
Tomorrow they are off to visit with the Chemotherapy Counsellor. It has been two weeks since the initial visit and Mum is supposed to tell her what decision she has made in relation to therapy. The choices are 1) Don't have the chemo, 2) Have the chemo as prescribed, 3) Have the chemo but take part in a trial. Number 3) was discounted today as after reading the paperwork Mum fails on the weight loss check. She has lost too much body percentage which will rule her out. I am glad as the trial requires a lot of testing every week and if she is part of the trial that does not get the super dooper drug you wonder why you are doing it for. I know that trials are important as they will help countless people who follow you but right now I am feeling a bit selfish about my Mum.
So that leaves chemo or no chemo. She doesn't know what to do and she doesn't want to think about it. At the initial meeting the Counsellor was really helpful and quite encouraging about the advances made in the treatment of this specific cancer using a new drug. She explained that the life expectancy has increased by 5 times. You can now expect to live up to a year. One year. I know that that is better than nothing and a lot more than the weeks we were advised of initially but it was something that Mum found very hard to hear. Someone being all chirpy and positive because the maximum you can expect to live is one year. Average 5.5 months.
So even though that is a short time we are happy that it will include Christmas. I have booked my holidays and plan to drive to Melbourne on the 17th Dec and then on to Adelaide on the 19th. We'll be back in Sydney on the 7th after having driven through Melbourne and staying for a couple of nights again from the 5th. Mum is very excited about us coming and we are talking about accommodation, presents, Christmas dinner. So all good positive things to keep her focussed. And to keep me going. Hopefully by then I will look more and more like Christmas M. Only then I would have to somehow double the size of my head and halve the size of my boobs LOL. Not going to happen :)
It's a hard decision. It must be so good for her to have these things to look forward to.
Posted by
Kathryn |
October 27, 2005 10:35 pm
Your strength is amazing. Yes, you have no choice but to deal with the situation as it presents, but your touching honesty and matteroffactness (call Oxford, new word) combines to be one hell of a force. Being the smart cookie that you are I have no doubt you are taking time out for yourself and hope this continues in some form as others' needs increase.
On a different note, I thought of you tonight - how priveledged do you feel??! I am not the happiest about living in Sydney and know I need to get over this. Making friends has been hard here like nowhere else (for a combination of reasons) and I miss my urban family in Melbourne. I was searching for a carpark on Macquarie St tonight and before I knew it the bridge and Opera House loomed before me - couldn't help myself: I smiled. A big, genuine one. A shiver ran down my spine and I felt a bit of excitement. Maybe I can enjoy this place? And that's when I thought about how you had come to make it feel like home....just wondering, how long did this take and what was the process you went through?
It may just be another excuse, but losing weight when you're not the happiest is not easy and I can't help but feel that if I nail this one I will be well on the road to improvements in other areas. Anyway, you can have your blog back now. Happy Friday!
Posted by
CaramelKitKat |
October 27, 2005 11:58 pm
*huuuuuuuuuuuuuugs* just been catching up on the past month. hope you're doing ok :)
Posted by
Anonymous |
October 28, 2005 12:50 am
Wow, this must be such a tough time for you and your family, and I really really admire your positive attitude. Please don't call it selfish! You only get one shot at life, so you owe it to your family to have this time together, have happy thoughts and do exciting things.
Sending you lots and lots of good wishes xxx
Posted by
Emily Campbell - Independent Stampin' Up!® Demonstrator |
October 28, 2005 4:27 am
It really is a hard decision, and even working in the medical field, I am not sure what is the best choice, or what choice I would make. I guess if she is going to feel really really awful from the chemo, is it better to have a few months more? Very hard to know, until you have been there.
It's great that you all have christmas to look forward to, and it sounds like it's going to be a magical, special time, to remember.
xxx
Posted by
Kate |
October 28, 2005 5:20 am
I am so happy your family can look forward to Xmas together and what an extra special one it will be this year. You guys are so supportive of eachother and don't be guilty for any choices made during this time. Celebrate the time you have! *HUGS* :-)
Posted by
Mary |
October 28, 2005 5:26 am
A big decision and one that only your Dear Mum can make. Whatever she decides I hope that she is kept comfortable and pain free. It is so good that you can all be together for Christmas.
Posted by
Suzy |
October 28, 2005 5:43 am
Its wonderful that you are going to be able to be able to spend Christmas with your Mum. I'm sorry to hear its not as long as you would like *hugs*
Xmas M was cute but I don't think you'd want to double your head size!
Posted by
Kt |
October 28, 2005 6:04 am
So special that you could talk to your mum about it - you both sound so brave. Only she can make the decision but at least she has been able to speak to you about it. Fantastic that you can have Christmas together and lets hope for more quality time.
I felt quite sad reading your post in some ways - I lost my mum a week before Christmas - she had cancer and her way of dealing with it was just not to talk about it - tough times.
Posted by
Anonymous |
October 28, 2005 6:28 am
Oh wow ... makes our lives seem so uncomplicated and easy. I am sure your mother will make the right decision and that the family will support it.
massive *HUGS* to you M
Posted by
Nancy Bou |
October 28, 2005 7:27 am
Glad to hear that you are all going to have a lovely family x mas together:)
I am not sure what decision I would make either ~ Your mum has great support :)
Posted by
Leighanne |
October 28, 2005 8:07 am
So glad you had a good long chat to your Mom - I know how close you have been to her and how difficult this time must be for you.
It is great that you have Christmas to look forward to - take the time to really enjoy the company of your family - you are a very special person and deserve to have good times happen to you.
Take care and have a great weekend - lotsa hugs !
Me
Posted by
Me |
October 28, 2005 8:21 am
I'm glad that your family will be together for Christmas. And it sounds like your Mum is excited about it, so that's great. I hope it will be a lovely time for you.
Posted by
philippa_moore |
October 28, 2005 10:39 am
Wonderful to know that you can spend Christmas with your mum M, I think of you both often - it is all positive.
Lucinda
http://www.livejournal.com/users/hermitinthecity/
Posted by
Anonymous |
October 28, 2005 3:40 pm
I am sittinghere having a little cry fo ryou because I know how hard it is. I went through this with my dad who died four months after being diagnosed. I really hope she does have the chemo because I know that 4 months was not enough time to say all the things we needed to say and to be ready to let him go. It is one thing when your head is strong and you do what needs to be done but quite another when your heart does not want to believe or accept what is happening. You are being strong because that is what she needs but I know how much this is tearing you up inside. Lots of love and big hugs from me to you.
Posted by
michelle |
October 28, 2005 5:09 pm
its so wonderful that you will be able to spend xmas with your mum!! i hope all the chemo (if she chooses) goes well enough
Posted by
Cat |
October 28, 2005 8:22 pm
(((((((HUGS))))))). Must be so hard for you being far away from her, what a tough decision to have to face. It's great that you'll be able to spend Christmas with her and the family though. May see you down in Adelaide (I'm heading down on the 23rd).
xo Sarah
Posted by
Sarah |
October 29, 2005 8:52 am
Sorry to hear that your family has such a decision to make, and although her time is limited, it sounds like you will all make the most of it, and create more memories to remember her by.
HUGS!
Posted by
Unknown |
October 30, 2005 3:10 pm