My Journey

As much as I would love to blog every night I have to face up to the fact that leading up to our departure on Saturday I will have to spend my time in the evenings more productively. (or else risk forgetting to pack important stuff - like underwear, Christmas presents or the children) This means wrapping up my year now and preparing for the New Year.

This year has been a huge one for me. In so many ways. There are so many parts of me that have changed and I am literally not the person I was last year.


My Mum & Dad
This last year saw some pretty major things happening to both my Dad & Mum. Dad was diagnosed with cancer, had an op, almost died, but recovered well. He is quite fit at the moment, working back in the business and things are looking good. He still needs to go back in to do some reversal work but he can choose when to do that. There is no rush. It is still something that is very scary but being the pragmatic soul that he is - he takes every day as it comes.

Which is the same with Mum. After the first initial shock diagnosis that suggested she had only weeks to live, she is still topside. Yes she is taking a bit more medication to get a good nights sleep, and yes the pain is a little more noticeable, but she is still here and just so excited about Christmas. When she didn't think she was going to see another one she didn't let herself think about it, but now she can't stop talking about it. It is very good. Mum decided to try the chemotherapy and has had 2 treatments so far. They have gone smoothly with little side effects. Last week however her blood count was too low and they wouldn't allow the treatment. This is worrying for her but as there is nothing she can do to get it up she is getting on with her day and enjoying spending as much time with her new grandson as she can. But this brings up another problem in that, when you have a low blood count you are much more susceptible to picking up infections. The little things that are carried by children and passed on. For this reason the books suggest to stay away from children during this period. Mum is unaware of this at this stage but if the tests come back low again on Tuesday (tomorrow) we will have to let her know and we will have to stay somewhere else when we go to Adelaide. We will work it out.

My Work
After all the turmoil that surrounded the announcements of major job cuts and restructuring I am still fully employed. And likely to be for a while. Our area is definitely one that will be affected but this will only happen as technology changes. As the technology that we support gets turned off, we will have our numbers reduced. This makes sense and now that we are all over the shock of it, it is business as usual. We have been given a likely first cut date of October next year which would suit me fine :D

My Family
My little family is growing up and with that brings on new joys, new firsts, new challenges. Each of these have been met with gusto this year and unlike last year these have not been met with binges, gorges, or bouts of feeling sorry for myself. My beautiful DS1 turns 4 tomorrow. 4!! It seems so long ago yet also like it happened yesterday. He is a lovely boy and even though is prone to little bouts of sulking if he doesn't get his own way, he is also caring and funny and full of spirit. I love him very much.

My Health
I am so much healthier than I have been in a long time. My hair is good, my skin is great, and I bounce back from sleepless nights and rough days with ease. I could be healthier and this is something that I am looking forward to delving in to in the New Year. The trek to healthier eating had started though with the Sydney Bloggers Xmas Dinner. The restaurant chosen very well by Mary is an organic one (The Peasants Feast) and was fantastic. I chose a Mushroom Pie which was delicious and CKK and I split the most devine Apple & Date Crumble. It had fruit in it so I am sure it was good for me. LOL. Perhaps going off for drinks afterwards together with Cath & Sarah was not as healthy but it sure was fun. Which is healthy for my mind :D

My Attitude
This is one area that has had the biggest change. Prior to starting this journey of mine I was very unhappy. Outwardly showing happiness and going about my day but internally being very unhappy. Unhappy with myself. Unhappy with my lack of attractive clothes. Unhappy when I was invited out - because I didn't want to be seen as frumpy. Unhappy when I wasn't invited out - because people obviously thought I wasn't good enough to go out with. But I understand now that changing this was all up to me. No one person could fix me except me. Accepting that responsibility and accepting all the good and not so good days has been a great step for me, because if I can accept responsibility in this area of my life, then I can do it in others. The others hasn't had much of a look in this year but next year there are areas that I will visit that do not centre on my weight, but still impact on my life.

My New Friends
Where do I start. I am not sure I can ever repay the friends I have met on this blog for the support, advice, humour, kicks in the pants, and unswerving loyalty that I have found here. It chokes me up just thinking about it. I do not have a large circle of friends and have never had this many 'girl friends'. It is very new and so rewarding. I hope that in some small way I have been able to give you the support you so willingly give me. And I hope that in the New Year I continue to see the same shrinking faces that I do now, as well as any new people who have decided this year is their year.

The Year Ahead
I am so EXCITED about the year ahead. I enter 2006 with a longing to continue something that I have started. A longing to finish the first part of my journey and to take a step into the second. Reaching goal has always been a first step for me and I want to complete that and then see where I go. As much as I would love to be at goal already the fact is I am not. So next year I will start with whatever my first official weigh in says and go from there. No recriminations, no regrets, no fear. I will reach my goal. I will learn to maintain. I will continue on my more healthful life. I will enjoy each and every day I am lucky enough to be in this world.


So to everyone I wish a Merry Christmas, a happy Holiday Season, a joyful time to be with family and friends, or time to relax by yourself.


If Santa is kind to me I will find a laptop under the tree and if so will pop in from time to time to say hello, but if not I will be back with the first weigh in on Monday 9th January. At approximately 9.00am. LOL - talk about planning. Well I plan to succeed and there is not better time than now. :D

Posted by Margaret at 11:10:00 am | Permalink | Comments

For this very last official weigh in for the year I have shown a gain of 600gms. Not very happy with that, though probably well deserved. It has come as a timely reminder that the balance I have learned needs to be practiced - even during this Christmas season.

My plan for the rest of the year is to

Keep up the exercise every day - even a little bit is better than no bit at all
Keep up the drinking of water. This is a huge one for me to stave off any perceived hunger.
Keep the portions under control.
Keep up the balance of food groups (Pizza is not a food group !)
Keep up the spirit.
Keep up the fun, and joy of life :D

Posted by Margaret at 8:43:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Camera's should never be taken into the toilets as a rule, but this reflective shot (taken in the mirror) is a reminder of how silly we are. I am on the right.

Hmmmm - yes. I still have a couple of chins in this shot. Damn it :D But please note the straightened hair. First time it has been seen in the workplace. Got lots of compliments.

It may only be 5.00pm but we are already very happy (Note to self - do not slouch in photos. It is not very flattering)

Moved out to the beer garden. It was really nice out there if you didn't mind gigantic cockroaches everywhere *shudder*

Posted by Margaret at 4:50:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

I have always enjoyed the work Christmas party. Usually I don't remember much (any) of it but I always know that I had a good time. Yesterday I had a GREAT time.

We started off early with a morning tea at 10.00am to distribute and hand out our Kris Kringle. It was served with a chocolate mud log, and a Christmas sponge log. I had half a slice of each. It was fun watching everyone open their presents and try to work out how the present they received started with the same initial as their name. I received a beautiful Chrismas table runner in gold and creams and it actually took me a few seconds to work out that it was 'Manchester'. Very clever. I love it and it has already been put on my hall table.

Then at 11.45am I got a lift into the bowling alley with CJ and all the bags of prizes and set up. I had one alcoholic drink then stuck to water for the rest of the afternoon. The d.coke was post-mix and I don't like that at all. The food was brilliant and I did have some but was quite moderate. 1 party pie (curry), 1 cheese & spinach filo, 1 vege cold roll, 1 mini burger, 2 pieces whiting bites, 1 tempura prawn. Not too shabby. The bowling part was excellent. I did heaps of warm ups whilst we were waiting for the stragglers to arrive and threw down quite a few strikes. Then when it was on for real I absolutely choked in the first game scoring a paltry 71 which included 9 gutterballs and 2 strikes. Then after a quick break we were back into the second game. This was quite a bit better with all but one frame over 8, 2 strikes and 2 spares for a respectable total of 136. This then got me over the line as the highest scoring female and I won a basket of goodies and a bottle of Yellowglen Pink Champagne. Whooo Hooo. We handed out all the major prizes, then we all were put into a lucky dip to choose a little prize and I chose a pack that contained 1 bottle rich chocolate sauce, 1 bottle of strawberry chocolate sauce, and a whisk. I really wanted that whisk ;D

Our bar tab lasted right up to the presentations which was perfect and everyone was quite happy at that point. Some people then chose to go home and others cabbed it to the city to keep going at a pub. This is normally when I go home as I am usually not in a state to go out, and have very little recollections of actually getting home from most previous parties. But not this one.

I laughed so much that my cheeks hurt and I think at one stage I actually had to wipe away tears because I couldn't stop. I did start drinking (orange Bacardi Breezers) when we got to the pub and by the time we left the 2nd pub I probably had had about 8 or 9. I was so surprised that I was sober(ish), coherent, feeling great - but that was the point. I had continued drinking water between drinks so the spread was really good. We also stopped and got something to eat and I am sure that that helped. The small group of 5 that was left till the end was a good one and we mucked around and played pool and took heaps of incriminating photos. Most of which I have requested be deleted from the camera. We considered going into the Gaelic Club to see Matchbook Romance but the $35.00 charge put us off and we wondered away.

As I was on the 11.02pm train out of Central going home last night I was reflecting on how different this year was, and how much fun I had. I didn't overeat. I didn't overdrink. I didn't embarrass myself - well not in a bad way :D I think that learning this balancing trick has a lot of rewards.


** Note - especially for Jodie. Apparently I bowl like I am going to smash the pins. The analysts (all the drunk blokes) say that I bowled the hardest - and fastest of the whole group. Not sure that is a good thing but it might mean that my weights are working LOL **

Posted by Margaret at 4:31:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

And it is time to refresh the blog. I would like to say a huge thanks to Tina who has both inspired me and helped me to work out how to update my header. Pretty flash huh :D It may all need a little tweaking as I got a bit carried away and now I don't really remember where I made changes. Ooops.

Today it got to 40 degrees (that's over 100F in the old language) in the city and even now, past 8.00pm it is still 37 degrees. Summer is here with a vengence. And today the January issue of the Notebook Magazine was released and like my blog it is covered in shades of orange and pink. How co-incidental. I like this magazine. It has not got one celebrity in it. No one is too thin. Too fat. Too rich. Too botoxed. It is a great read that covers a miriad of subjects. One of the great things in it today, I have taken a part of to be my Quote/Affirmation of the Week. The rest of it goes like this

"Lines in the Sand (following on from my sidebar) ...How often have you heard 'yes' come from your mouth, even as you thought 'no'? It's not about being mean or negative; it's about knowing how much you can handle and finding a way to live with that. Don't let being the person you want to be turn into the treadmill of doing it all. Your energy and peace of mind are precious - use them well and watch your life flourish"

This past year has been all about me finding a way to incorporate a healthy lifestyle in with a family lifestyle. It has been about me finding a balance in my life that has allowed ME to be a part of it. Not Mummy. Not Wife. Not Daughter. Even though all these things are integral parts of who I am it is now great that there is a bit just called M. The year ahead will build on this. Like the article above I am going to draw some lines in the sand. I am going to accept and understand that I don't have to do it all. It makes me no less a human, no less a woman, if I admit that I can't do it all. I will learn to make decisions about what I can do, what I will give others to do, and what I will decide doesn't need doing at all. It will be a great year. And I am excited about it.

Tomorrow is my work Christmas Lunch. I have the batteries charged, the camera is empty and I am planning to fill it up (it only takes 11 photos !!) Everything is paid for. We have over $500 on the bar, 20 people going, so it should be an absolute hum-dinger. I hope I win a prize ;D

Tonight I am working on the scrapbooking project. It is going well - albiet slowly. I need to learn a few tricks and shortcuts but this will be a plan for next year. I accept that I don't need to know all the ins and outs for this project. The point here is to get it done..

Posted by Margaret at 8:21:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

It's Tuesday.
It's hot.
I have been shopping.
I tried on 8 size 12 pieces of clothing.
All but 2 fit perfectly.
1 was too small and 1 was too large.
I bought 2 tops.
My computer still has issues and I can't check my email.
My printer still doesn't want to work.
I want to go to bed
I have to stay up till at least 10.30pm so I can call my Sister in Canada before she goes to work.
I need the photo's of her children to complete the scrapbooking project.
She hasn't sent me any yet.
I have only one weekend before I go away.
And I will be going to the Sydney Bloggers Xmas Dinner on one of those nights.
I may wear one of my new tops.
I hope it is warm enough.
I am loving the scales at the moment.
I am not loving my tummy.
I think I really, really have to do something about it.
Other than talking about it.
I tried the first Carmen Electra Fit To Strip on the weekend.
It was bloody hard.
And funny.
And I am not sure I will ever get used to working out with my finger in my mouth!
But I might try it in front of the hunky gym instructors.
The next time I go.
Which probably will be next year.
I may have actually worked out the sequence by then.
I need to go.
Two more sleeps till our Christmas lunch.
I better work on my arms so I can still thrown the ball the whole way down the lane.

I better stop now before I drive myself crazy.
Things are happening in my brain.
But not logically enough to write them down.
Maybe tomorrow.

Posted by Margaret at 9:19:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

*doing a happy dance*

The scales this morning showed that I have been a very accountable girl. Down 2.1kgs from last week to be sitting at 76.4kgs. It is not quite as low as on Friday but I am happy that the effort going in is being rewarded with the fat going out. I would think that some of the gain last week must have just been good old fashioned bloat and it worked itself out this week but I do feel thinner today :D

Plan for this week:
Keep up the exercise
Keep up the drinking of the water (I am still quite bad with this on the weekend)
Eat really well on Mon, Tue, Wed & be moderate at the work Christmas Lunch on Thursday.
Have fun :)



My gmail and blogger went haywire on my pc on the weekend so will be catching up with everyone today. Hope you all had a great weekend :)

Posted by Margaret at 8:52:00 am | Permalink | Comments

You know that you are planning a serious shopping expedition when you choose sneakers and thick socks over sparkly sandles. And like any big workout I believe it is very important to warm up first. So early this morning the family set off for our walk along the beach and instead of doing the single lap up and down the boardwalk, we did two. I wasn't going to risk suffering a sprained wrist (from handing over the credit card) or pulling a muscle in my back (loading things in the trolley and carrying bags) so I felt it important to do the hard yards ;D And the hard yards were so beautiful this morning.

A light breeze served to bring the salty smell of the ocean right up to my nose, and the sun was warm on my face. People were so happy and smiling and the boys just went nuts - as they always do. Every time we go there I wished we lived closer so that we could go every morning. But then I remembered that I did live that close once and did not go to the beach every morning. It is amazing how much we take forgranted when it is on our doorstep. But I digress - I am supposed to be talking about sport - shopping!

As we expected the shopping centre was packed. But we had our plan and were happy to go with the flow. There is something so magical about shopping at Christmas. If you can get past the commercialism, and the greed, and the wanton shopping lust that comes with Christmas (and I do suffer a bit from the latter) you can see that there is good around us. People seem to mellow enough to realise that the world isn't all about them. That it is for sharing and sharing means not killing beliefs of other people. I saw a young lad help out an older lady when she dropped her shopping bag, I saw strangers chatting with tired children whilst waiting in the queue - trying to make them laugh whilst an obviously exhausted mother paid for her shopping, I actually saw someone get up off a seat to offer it to an elderly gentlemen. These little things make me so happy. Embarrassingly usually so happy that I start to cry. I am such a wuss.

So I sit here knowing that all the Christmas shopping is done, wrapped, labelled, and put in bags ready for our trip. And even though I love Christmas and I adore each and every thing I have purchased I can't help but feel a little ashamed that there is so much. Every year I promise myself that I won't overdo it the next year, and every year I buy things through the year, hide them, forget about them until Christmas and voila - overdone again!!

Anyway one other good thing this weekend is I got a new licence. Lucky since it expired back in September. Ooooops. But now at least I look good on this one :D

Off to bed now. I need my beauty sleep. And as many hours as I can to burn as much as I can before I get on the scales tomorrow. Didn't climb on today so it will be a surpise.

Posted by Margaret at 11:01:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Today is Day 5 of my renewed eating effort. When I climbed on the scales for my normal morning weigh before my shower I wished so much that it was Monday and I could say what I saw. It charged me up and today I will go to bed knowing that I am working hard and doing well. Before I get to bed though I have to survive the Kindy Christmas Concert. :D

I am leaving work at 2.00pm as the concert starts at 3.00pm. I am hoping this year to actually be able to watch my DS's up on stage instead of having them in costume, in my lap, refusing to do it and watching all the other littlies going through their paces. My DS1 knows all the words, all the motions, and apparently is quite the little leader during practice sessions. I will cross my fingers and perhaps try to slide in through a side door and watch from the back. But I really want to take photo's too. Which means I need to be up the front. LOL. I will work it out.

Last week I upgraded my broadband plan and it came into effect yesterday. Hence I was unable to log in yesterday and need to put a call into my ISP to sort it out. I haven't done it today as I chose to work for my short day and will try to get it done during the weekend but in case it is not done I wish all bloggers a happy, happy weekend and I will catch up with everyone on Monday.

I am going to track like crazy and am really looking forward to doing all my Christmas shopping with DH on Sunday. We are going to hit Bondi Junction for the bulk of it and a couple of things from Chatswood Chase. Then we will wrap and label it all before we get home and it will be all finished. We have called in the baby sitters for the day and will really enjoy ourselves.

I thank everyone for the lovely comments left re my family photo. DH has lost 23kgs since the first photo was taken and I had lost 19kgs. We do look younger, and feel it too. I am feeling good at the moment. :D

Posted by Margaret at 12:58:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Just after DS2 was born we had a family photo taken at Pixi Foto. We plan to do this every year at around this time so we can use the shots for Christmas cards etc.

I have this years photo's back.

They are a bit grainy as a I scanned them on the work photocopier but here are the two photos.

August 2004 & November 2005

I am very happy with my photo's. There are others which are even better but this one was the easiest to compare with as the layout was very close. When I get my scanner working I will be putting a better photo up. And about the only thing that has stayed the same in these photos is my watch ;D

Posted by Margaret at 8:03:00 am | Permalink | Comments