The next level - long post
Whilst watching the City 2 Surf on TV, and cheering madly for all the runners including DH, Jodie, and some friends from work, I finished my book. Confessions of a Reformed Dieter by A.J. Rochester. I cried, I laughed, I nodded my head a lot whilst reading it. I got this book at exactly the right time for me.
A long time ago I posted a little bit about my history, and more specifically about my back. Since I began this journey I had not experienced any back pain. Nothing more than a normal tiredness that could be associated with exercise, or over exersion of some sort. But last week, after the party, the pain started in. A little niggle in the lower left. A sharp little niggle that means moving from a sitting to standing position takes about 30 - 40 seconds. And the same in reverse. That is a long time. A sharp little niggle that means moving the wrong way will send spasms down both legs and into my hands. A sharp little niggle that has me so scared that I am starting to go back to where I was that I did the only thing possible (other than to do nothing at all) and that was to eat. I knew what I was doing was silly and would not make me feel better. I knew what I was doing was more likely to make me feel cranky, and frustrated, and disappointed in myself. And I was right (go figure).
So when I was reading about AJ's visit to her shrink and the shrink explained that sometimes we have such deep seeded relationships with food that when we are in a situation we have been in before, we revert immediately to the habits we had then. Whilst it had been many years since I had been able to do up the zip on a size 12 anything, it was really after the birth of DS1 and the escalation of the back pain that the weight really piled on. During that period I ate a lot. I exercised little. I drank a lot. I felt sorry for myself most of the time. It was not a great period of my life. So when the pain started, and stayed last week I started feeling sorry for myself again - thinking that "this is it - my life is going to be crap all over again" and the old patterns started creeping in. I realise now that I associate back pain with being fat. What I should be saying is that I associate back pain with back pain. It can happen at any size and I don't need to make it worse by eating myself stupid everytime it kicks back in.
Things have to change around here.
I went to the Chiro yesterday and we had a workout. I discussed my fears and she asked what I had been doing differently. I said running (does jogging at 9km/hr count as running?). She said that the running did not cause this but allowed the pain to come through. I need to stop running. For a month. And I have to build up the muscles in my pelvic floor (which is where the pain is generating from but manifesting in my back). I will work on this. I have some not so graceful or lady-like exercises that I need to do (in the privacy of my own home) and I have to use the stair climber type machine at the gym - slowly - and all the while squeezing squeezing sqeezing.
Something else that I learned from the book is how much the body will adapt to the exercise you are doing and how it will come to accept levels as normal and cause the weight to maintain instead of lose. And what to do about it. I am doing the right thing going to the gym and getting a weights program. I am doing the right thing. And regardless of the pain (I say that now heavily loaded with anti-inflammatories and Bacardi Breezers - ooops) I am going to do something physical EVERY DAY. Not on the third full moon of the month following a full eclipse of the sun. EVERY DAY. Something. Anything. Over and above my walk to Central. That no longer counts and will not appear on my blog. If that is all I do my exercise will show None. And I don't want "none" to show.
Taking things into perspective I have been working on my lifestyle and habit changes for a short 19 weeks. In this 19 weeks I have achieved a lot. It has been due to simple, but not easy, changes to my day to day life. And I don't need to throw it away due to one back incident. My achievements to date are:
I have lost 15.2kgs (to-date, weigh in is tomorrow so this may change)
I have lost 80 odd cms off my body
I have gone from a size 22-24 to 14-16
I can now actually run (without looking like a penguin)
My hair does not fall out as much
My skin looks really great
I am a lot more positive (well still working on that this week)
My children now actively participate in outdoor, exercising type activities, every weekend
I have only had pizza 3 times!
I have only been over my weekly points 3 times (mmm wonder if it coincided with pizza intake)
I have not had KFC, Hungry Jacks or McDonalds
I am way more energetic
I have learnt to blog
I have opened myself up to new ways of doing things
I have re-discovered my love of cooking
I have re-discovered by distaste for doing cooking dishes
I have learnt that one day does not make this journey
I know that I can pick myself up and start making the right choices at any time
I know that the power is mine
I needed to do this. I need to understand that I do understand what I am doing. Will it make it easier for me to stop slipping into bad habits. No. Will it make it easier for me to stop myself before it gets out of control. Bloody Oath!.
So here is to the beginning of a new week. A new chapter. And to taking it to the next level.
Note to self (and anyone else): Feel free to remind me of this post if I get dreary again.
TIAGF It is more who I am grateful to. A.J. Rochester. For going through the journey. For diarising it. For filming it. And for publishing it. Thank you.
A long time ago I posted a little bit about my history, and more specifically about my back. Since I began this journey I had not experienced any back pain. Nothing more than a normal tiredness that could be associated with exercise, or over exersion of some sort. But last week, after the party, the pain started in. A little niggle in the lower left. A sharp little niggle that means moving from a sitting to standing position takes about 30 - 40 seconds. And the same in reverse. That is a long time. A sharp little niggle that means moving the wrong way will send spasms down both legs and into my hands. A sharp little niggle that has me so scared that I am starting to go back to where I was that I did the only thing possible (other than to do nothing at all) and that was to eat. I knew what I was doing was silly and would not make me feel better. I knew what I was doing was more likely to make me feel cranky, and frustrated, and disappointed in myself. And I was right (go figure).
So when I was reading about AJ's visit to her shrink and the shrink explained that sometimes we have such deep seeded relationships with food that when we are in a situation we have been in before, we revert immediately to the habits we had then. Whilst it had been many years since I had been able to do up the zip on a size 12 anything, it was really after the birth of DS1 and the escalation of the back pain that the weight really piled on. During that period I ate a lot. I exercised little. I drank a lot. I felt sorry for myself most of the time. It was not a great period of my life. So when the pain started, and stayed last week I started feeling sorry for myself again - thinking that "this is it - my life is going to be crap all over again" and the old patterns started creeping in. I realise now that I associate back pain with being fat. What I should be saying is that I associate back pain with back pain. It can happen at any size and I don't need to make it worse by eating myself stupid everytime it kicks back in.
Things have to change around here.
I went to the Chiro yesterday and we had a workout. I discussed my fears and she asked what I had been doing differently. I said running (does jogging at 9km/hr count as running?). She said that the running did not cause this but allowed the pain to come through. I need to stop running. For a month. And I have to build up the muscles in my pelvic floor (which is where the pain is generating from but manifesting in my back). I will work on this. I have some not so graceful or lady-like exercises that I need to do (in the privacy of my own home) and I have to use the stair climber type machine at the gym - slowly - and all the while squeezing squeezing sqeezing.
Something else that I learned from the book is how much the body will adapt to the exercise you are doing and how it will come to accept levels as normal and cause the weight to maintain instead of lose. And what to do about it. I am doing the right thing going to the gym and getting a weights program. I am doing the right thing. And regardless of the pain (I say that now heavily loaded with anti-inflammatories and Bacardi Breezers - ooops) I am going to do something physical EVERY DAY. Not on the third full moon of the month following a full eclipse of the sun. EVERY DAY. Something. Anything. Over and above my walk to Central. That no longer counts and will not appear on my blog. If that is all I do my exercise will show None. And I don't want "none" to show.
Taking things into perspective I have been working on my lifestyle and habit changes for a short 19 weeks. In this 19 weeks I have achieved a lot. It has been due to simple, but not easy, changes to my day to day life. And I don't need to throw it away due to one back incident. My achievements to date are:
I have lost 15.2kgs (to-date, weigh in is tomorrow so this may change)
I have lost 80 odd cms off my body
I have gone from a size 22-24 to 14-16
I can now actually run (without looking like a penguin)
My hair does not fall out as much
My skin looks really great
I am a lot more positive (well still working on that this week)
My children now actively participate in outdoor, exercising type activities, every weekend
I have only had pizza 3 times!
I have only been over my weekly points 3 times (mmm wonder if it coincided with pizza intake)
I have not had KFC, Hungry Jacks or McDonalds
I am way more energetic
I have learnt to blog
I have opened myself up to new ways of doing things
I have re-discovered my love of cooking
I have re-discovered by distaste for doing cooking dishes
I have learnt that one day does not make this journey
I know that I can pick myself up and start making the right choices at any time
I know that the power is mine
I needed to do this. I need to understand that I do understand what I am doing. Will it make it easier for me to stop slipping into bad habits. No. Will it make it easier for me to stop myself before it gets out of control. Bloody Oath!.
So here is to the beginning of a new week. A new chapter. And to taking it to the next level.
Note to self (and anyone else): Feel free to remind me of this post if I get dreary again.
TIAGF It is more who I am grateful to. A.J. Rochester. For going through the journey. For diarising it. For filming it. And for publishing it. Thank you.
Well said. It's great that you have identified this - mostly that's more than half the battle.
Hope your back gets better soon. Back aches really suck. My back was playing up for a while and I had do that old granny method of slowly raising myself up out of the chair. I hated it.
Posted by
Kathryn |
August 14, 2005 10:43 pm
now that is one powerful post, its all lined up there for you whenever you need it. go back and gain that inspiration from yourself, you are amazing :)
it sounds like your back pain is pinched nerves... did anyone mention anything like that? sciatica? im only thankful not to have experienced the pain in very many months... i get it in my neck so i cant move for a few days, raise my arms etc. or across my pelvis so standing on 1 foot sends painful shots across my back, down the leg ... its just not prettt so i feel for you. hang in there woman, you're strong and will conquer this thing, youve come so far :)
Posted by
Cat |
August 15, 2005 12:07 am
Great post babe! It sucks about the back pain - but you can beat it. I'm sure all those exercises will help. It's great when you make a list of everything you have achieved - because you really can see how well you have done. You have forgotten one thing on your list : You have inspired so many people to do better every day - and so many of us look up to you.
You rock! I hope the back pain starts to get better very soon, and good luck for your weigh in in the morning. xx
Posted by
Kate |
August 15, 2005 12:55 am
Great post! Hope all comes right with your back soon. Take care. I really must get that book! I so agree with how your body gets used to the exercise level you are doing. It's something I've thought about for some time. I've gone from a couch potato to 7 sessions plus exercise a week and my body really has adapted to that!
Posted by
Anonymous |
August 15, 2005 5:49 am
I hear ya about comfort eating because of back pain - now I go for a walk instead because I know my back will feel better afterwards!!
Posted by
Leighanne |
August 15, 2005 8:10 am
You are so in touch with your feelings and that is why you will always succeed in whatever you want to do. That is a great list of achievements and you should be very proud of yourself.
Have a great new week and new chapter.
Posted by
Suzy |
August 15, 2005 8:39 am
Goodness, what a powerful blog entry, I completely agree with Kate, you have inspired so many other people on their journey, and we all thank you for that. You sound so centred and focussed right now it's hard to imagine you eating anything you shouldn't (or maybe it was the Breezers talking! haha). Just kidding!
Have a fantastic week, I hope your back gets better very soon, which reminds me that I also need to attend to my pelvic floor strengthening (one of the downsides of giving birth!).
Bri
Posted by
Briony |
August 15, 2005 9:32 am
wow M, that was a great blog, i agree with every one, and especially kate, you have inspired me to get out there.
hope the back gets better soon
fiona
Posted by
Baby Bump Wanted |
August 15, 2005 9:56 am
You are going so well and being so brave and honest - this is the first 19weeks of lifelong change. Thinking of it in those terms, would you expect to be a piano virtuoso after only 19 weeks? Of course there's a lot of learning still to be done. You are great, and I always feel proud to 'know' you (online anyway) when I read your posts.
PS what's wrong with running like a penguin? check out waddleon dot com, one of my favourite sites LOL
LBTEPA
Posted by
Anonymous |
August 15, 2005 11:14 am
Just on elittle word - THANKS!!!
Posted by
Anonymous |
August 15, 2005 11:40 am
Gee Margaret I need to copy your post and replace the association of food and back pain with food and my mum. You are right today is another day and your little lapse last week won't stop you from continuing on your journey. Hope your back soon feels better.
Posted by
michelle |
August 15, 2005 1:27 pm
What a great list! Yes, running at 9kph certainly does count - I go a lot slower than that!!!
I had similar back pains last year after pulling a muscle in my pelvis. I went to a Chiro for months and while there was always lots of clicky action, I got very little in the way of improvement. So booked in at a physio instead and was much happier with the results, and was able to stop going after only 2 visits. He gave me some exercises to do on a Swiss Ball, which I did daily for a few months to strengthen both ab's and lower back to improve posture etc.
Since losing the weight I haven't had to do any back exercises at all, and the pain rarely returns.
Posted by
Emily Campbell - Independent Stampin' Up!® Demonstrator |
August 15, 2005 2:41 pm
Wow!!! What a post. I think I might have to get this book. I'm not a reader but I think I will have to make an exception for this by the sounds of it. I love your posts. They are always motivating and full of raw emotions. Very inciteful. I appreciate that heaps.
Thanks for cheering for me yesterday - quite sore today but not where near as sore as I thought I would be. You will have to join me next year!!! XX
Posted by
Anonymous |
August 15, 2005 2:56 pm
I have to echo everyone else, this is such a great, honest post. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I am always inspired by what I read on your blog, today is absolutely no exception. :)
Posted by
jak |
August 15, 2005 5:42 pm
This is a fantastic post & what an amazing list of positives! 4-5 dress sizes & 80cms! wow. I reallly must get Ajs book, sounds like it deals with every single aspect of weight loss
Posted by
Kt |
August 15, 2005 7:40 pm
Oh babe, sorry to hear about your back pain coming back. It's been amazing that it was virtually non existent in the first place since starting your weight loss journey. You have done some great thinking about this and come up with some good ideas on how to beat it. Your acheivement list is also so inspiring!! You should be really proud of yourself. I nodded along to all of them :-) You should put a link to this post on your side bar. Cheers to a new week and new level of this journey! xx
Posted by
Mary |
August 15, 2005 9:50 pm
I love this "I am going to do something physical EVERY DAY" It has had a big impact on other bloggers too because I read it in someone else's blog this morning and decided it is my mantra too
Love it!
Posted by
Anonymous |
August 16, 2005 10:48 am