Discoveries (long post !)
When I started this journey I had lots of expectations and no expectations - all at the same time. I expected to lose weight. That was a given. What I didn't expect was that to lose weight I had to make lots of discoveries. About myself. About long held beliefs and ideas. And then I had to let some of these go. I think I have lost more weight from letting go of old memories, pains, and ideas than from the actual fat loss itself. And I have more to go. One of my greatest fears at the moment is that doing exercise is going to bring back my back pain. I know that the opposite is actually true, that by losing the weight and building up some core strength to support my abs and back is actually going to help minimise any future pain but that does not lessen my fear. I am actively fighting my fear by actively partaking in exercise, some gentle some not so gentle but I am sick of living my life in fear of something that may not happen. A bit of history. At age 17 during a party in a beautiful country town in SA called Nairne, I slipped over and knocked myself out causing concussion and a week long stay in a dark room. However the medical dr's did not point out to me that on the x-ray it was very clear 2 vertabrae in my neck had been knocked out of place. Fast forward 10 years and my back had been trying to counter balance the neck by curving my spine and twisting my hips (nice!!). This is where my love relationship began with chiro's who started my long journey back to health. Fast forward again to 13th December 2001 to the labour ward and during the birth of my beautiful first born son, I ruptured (blew, prolapsed) 3 discs (very big ouch). During the next two years I was in a twilight zone of pain as I walked in a really strange manner by sort of leaning to the left by about a 45 degree angle. It was very bizarre and not very nice. No one could work out how to fix it. My chiro, my physio, the really ancient chinese guy I went to for some 'traditional' treatments (ouchy), the doctors, anyone. Then I had to go deeper. I went back to my chiro and we started some physical treatment combined with some deep neural treatment. This is when we discovered that my pain was very much locked into my emotions. About an hour and lots of crying later the first step to my recovery began. Once it was identified that my body had locked onto the emotion of the painful birth I could begin to let it go - and with it a lot of pain went. Then it was just physical therapy to get me to stand up straight again. Fast forward to the birth of my second son and it was beautiful. Not one bit of pain, not one injury and during the months of pregnancy when the joints are soft all my previous injuries were rectified. I now stand up straight. I now have the ability to do exercise with no pain. I now can pick up my children without having to be sitting down first. And I don't want to give that up. And that is why I have my fear. And that is why I am fighting it and doing something about it. It is the fear (coupled with the very real physicality) that aided my weight gain and it sure isn't going to hinder my weight loss....
I'm a bit teary now. I've been learning so much about myself too. It's been a real eye opener. What an amazing thing to happen to you and now you are much stronger. Thanks for sharing this part of your life with us.
I think WWs is a good medium for not only weight loss but general well being, otherwise I may never have crossed paths with you. I think I can learn alot from you and others on this wacky journey.
Posted by
Mary |
May 03, 2005 8:56 am
what an amazing post - thank you for sharing it with us. As we all make these discoveries about what fears are behind our hanging on to our fat, we all become healthier and happier people overall. But it's hard, isn't it? It's a brave thing to do what you're doing. Here's to living well.
LBTEPA
Posted by
Anonymous |
May 03, 2005 9:47 am
Great post , Pain being locked to emotions is kinda true, I spent a week in hospital not being able to move 3 yrs ago with horrible back pain - at the time I was under major stress ect...
nowadays, I find if I have had a long or stressful day my back and shoulders feel really tense, If I get off my butt and go for a walk, or even a swim...I feel soo much better:)
Posted by
Leighanne |
May 03, 2005 12:39 pm
Oh no, I am behind on your posts....okay responding to the chocolate one - no it's not a protein but it tastes mighty fine...apparently it's good for you - just not in the doses that I consume
Weigh in - 400gr is small, your a real inspiration you know, you seem so dedicated and motivated and want some of that! I love the positives you listed, will have to start using that method as it's very healthy for the head isn't it.
OMG Margaret, your amazing. No wonder you love your chiro so much. What a horrible story with a nice happy ending.
I will not whinge about my sore back anymore.
Posted by
Anonymous |
May 03, 2005 1:41 pm
that mind-body connection is amazing isn't it? We take it for granted so many times.
It must have been so draining after your session when you made the discovery re: pain/emotions.
I must admit that my workout routine is very much motivated by the fact that i don't want to be the "one with the bad back". I want to live a long and happy life with my honey, and be doing all sorts of naughty things well into my twilight years.. it scares me that at 27 i already have a weak back with intermittent issues.
Strong backs = strong and sassy women! Let's do it! :)
Posted by
Anonymous |
May 03, 2005 6:06 pm
Your back problems sound awful you poor thing! I'm sure as you said, that losing weight will ensure that your back never gets worse, rather than what you are afraid of.
Posted by
Kate |
May 03, 2005 7:11 pm
its all uphill from here, your back will only get stronger and stronger :) great post!
Posted by
Cat |
May 03, 2005 9:56 pm
Margaret, you are really an inspiring person. Your comments the other day helped me like wouldn't believe and I appreciate so much that you went to the effort of writing them.
Your story just made me go wow. It takes a certain kind of courage to face fears like that and the fact that you are acknowledging them and facing them, easing yourself into the exercise thing, really says a lot about the sort of person you must be. :)
Posted by
Anonymous |
May 03, 2005 10:43 pm
I can totally agree with all of the comments here.
What an inspiration you are!
I love the way you write... it is so easy to connect with you and what is going on that when you were writing this entry I felt like I knew all the pain you were going through.
Hun you can do this.. and a little exercise at a time will give you confidence and you will want more.
I know for years I kept saying that my knee is a problem and wouldn't try anything and now I know that I have to strengthen it so that I can do more.. and it is fun. Love your entry girl! WOHOOO
Posted by
Anonymous |
May 04, 2005 7:37 am