My Journey

It would have been easy for me to skip the scales today. I am at home with a killer headache after having a surprise migraine last night. I haven't had a migraine in at least 10 years and this one smacked me hard. It came from no-where and within a minute every step I took had me feeling like I was going to vomit. My head felt like it was going to explode. And even thinking made everything hurt. So I went to bed and hoped like crazy I would fall asleep so the pain would go away. With a bit of medicinal help - I did just that.

It topped off a pretty crazy weekend. The boys had the last of the catch-up immunisations on Friday and to say it didn't go well would be an understatement. Oscar completely lost the plot and I had to hold on to him so hard that I think I hurt him with my grip. He had 3 injections and even though the Dr is very good, and I had bought a local numbing agent for the boys arms, I think it still hurt going in as Oscar was moving the whole time. He screamed the place down and when I came out to the waiting room to give Oscar to Mark (who had come straight from the airport to the Dr's) I said to all the waiting patients giving me sympathetic looks "see, I wasn't murdering him".

Then the fun started with Darcy. I had to chase him around the waiting room and when he hid under a big chair where I couldn't reach him, I had to lift the chair off him, whilst keeping my foot on his leg so he couldn't run away. Then the only grip I got on his was his ankles so that is how I carried him into the Dr's room. He was doing that laughing crying thing and it was just about tearing my heart out but I kept making a game of it. Then when the needle was going in I kept telling him I would tell him when the Dr was going to do it, but then said "oops I forgot - the Dr has finished". Darcy looked up at me and said "well - that didn't hurt at all" HELLO what do you think I was telling you!!! LOL

Darcy had no reaction at all to the injections but Oscar has been off all weekend. He screamed and cried in his sleep, he wouldn't play, I had to be in the bed with him so he could touch my face (this is after he decided he did love me after all which happened sometime around midnight on Friday) *sigh* It was a busy weekend.

But it is Monday now. I have the day at home. And I decided it wasn't enough to stop weighing so I went to a local chemist (equivalent to the one I go to in the city) and I weighed in there. 900gms off thank you very much and I got some migraine medication whilst I was there. I tried to buy some chocolate but the girl behind the counter said I couldn't have any as some chocolate actually makes headaches worse!! Not sure if I believe her but as I sit here sucking on my sugar free lollies I bought I am actually sending her some silent thanks :)

Posted by Margaret at 9:32:00 am | Permalink | Comments

Weekly Breakdown
Food I ate
This week wasn't as brilliant as planned, however, I kept two meals out of three right on track so when I had a bit extra it didn't make me go over points, or not too far over anyway.

Liquid I drank
At least 3L of water per day. NO diet coke (week two now!!). My downfall has been the amount of wine I drank.

Exercise I undertook
I moved in excess of 80,000 steps for the week. And I went for my first swim in months. It was very hard!!

Things I did last week - checklist
I will continue my focus on filling my day with healthy, fresh, food. - done
I will ensure that each exercise outing is done with more intensity than last week. - done
I will reduce the frequency and size of the indulgences (but not cut them out altogether) - needs work

Things I will do this week
I will continue my focus on filling my day with healthy, fresh, food.
I will add two new exercise sessions this week. One yoga, one something else.
I will not have any wine until Sunday - when I can have 2 glasses maximum

Posted by Margaret at 9:21:00 am | Permalink | Comments

DG had a great post just a short while back about how much motivation we have when we are doing a 'Week One'. I have just completed a Week One and I am literally bouncing around with energy and joy that I lost weight in, what I thought, was a far reflection of the work I put in. So now all I need to do is keep a tight reign and make sure I keep the focus on as I know that Week Two is usually bounce-back week. I am pretty good at week twos. At the beginning of the week. When I think I can do anything and achieve everything and work my tail off, then fall down harder than a Springbok faced with an All Black front line (sorry Linda LOL) when it comes to the end of the week and the scales haven't shifted or *gasp* they have bounced back up a little.

I have a feeling this week will be different. I accept that it is normal for Week Two to have a bounceback. But I am not going to help it bounce by screwing up everything I worked for last week. I will continue to focus, laugh, play, eat, make mistakes, learn from said mistakes, and just keep going - knowing that if I do so, it will all straighten up again in Week Three.

That being said, I am about to line up the bike in front of the TV so I can watch the Biggest Loser and be a loser at the same time ;D

Dad Update
My Dad is amazing. He is doing so well and healing faster than he, or the Dr's expected. He is back to eating real food - only small meals, but meals all the same. He is walking and doing some sitting up and generally feels really good. He will stay in the hospital for the full period of time to ensure that it is all doing what it should but so far so good :)

Links to check out
If you are in Sydney please remember to check out Mary's blog for dates for the Sydney Bloggers Christmas Picnic as well as other fabulous event dates coming up

Linda is on the hunt for your bras. No - not because she has run out of her own but for a great charitable event. If you have any bra you no longer need please visit her blog for the details on what to do next.

There were heaps of other things I had read lately (yes I have been keeping across you all via Bloglines) but now I can't remember any of them. I shall pop by again for a reminder..

Posted by Margaret at 8:30:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Weekly Breakdown
Food I ate
Even though I did indulge in a few things outside of plan, I managed to keep each day on or below points

Liquid I drank
At least 3L of water per day. NO diet coke (yay me). And only had a couple of glasses of wine on Saturday.

Exercise I undertook
I moved in excess of 80,000 steps for the week.

Things I will do this week
I will continue my focus on filling my day with healthy, fresh, low point food.
I will ensure that each exercise outing is done with more intensity than last week.
I will reduce the frequency and size of the indulgences (but not cut them out altogether)

Posted by Margaret at 8:07:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

(typed up last night but fell asleep before I hit post - on the lounge again!)


Today is the end of day two of me not drinking diet coke. I decided that I needed to give it a break as I was drinking far too much to be considered healthy (4-5 cans during the day at work and if there was a bottle at home 1.25 litres at night). It had got to the point where I was drinking no water at all and just buying more and more d.coke. So I stopped. And I take my hat off to anyone who has a serious substance addiction because coming off d.coke has been hard. Pathetic isn't it.

Day one started well with me feeling really positive and drinking loads of water and the ocassional cup with a splash of cordial in it. I perhaps could have been considered 'bouncy'. But after lunch that all changed. I was craving it and I got the biggest headache behind my eyes. I got sleepy and cold and I was getting goose bumps on my arms and legs (it was a 33 degree day). I took some headache tablets and that helped a little but I was getting dizzy and I got the shakes at about 3.00pm. I drank 3 litres of water during the work day (only 4 cups of which had cordial in it) and I ate really well but it was hard work as I was trying not to eat my d.coke craving.

Today was a bit better. Even though I am used to having a can for breakfast the real cravings don't kick in until lunch time. I still had a headache today but a lot more bearable than yesterday. But by 3.00pm I had eaten all the food that I had brought with me and when I got home I must have opened the fridge about a hundred times looking for 'something'. I ended up eating 1/4 of an avocado with a tablespoon of pinenuts - scraped right out of the shell, and 4 celery sticks covered in cream cheese. I also ate all of Oscars left over steak (about 1/3 of a small steak) so I suppose I did OK. After we picked Mark up from the airport we had a little late surprise Birthday party (it was his birthday on Monday) and I did help to eat some of the mini mud cake. But in the end I still did not go over points for the day (yaaay me)

It is days like these that I need a good hug.

And I got one.

When I was coming back from my walk at lunch time I went through Pitt Street Mall and this guy was there giving away free hugs. No one was hugging him so I went right up to him with my arms out wide and gave him the biggest hug.

It felt really good.

Please note that the film clip has music in it which is fantastic so turn up your volume, and I am not in the film clip - this was done a little while ago and sent to me by Cath a couple of weeks ago. Which is how I knew who he was. I encourage everyone to hug a stranger, and there is no one stranger than me LOL.

Posted by Margaret at 8:13:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

I'm cross I didn't post this last night but I fell asleep on the lounge - with the 2 little cyclones and when I woke up at about 10pm and put them to bed I was only good for falling into bed myself.

So, my Dad survived the op (whooo hooo) and a mere 24 hours after he has already been moved out of I.C.U. and into a ward where I here he has been back-chatting the nurses. That's my Dad :)

Thank you all so very much for your good thoughts. I truly believe in the power of good thought and I appreciate the time you took to pass some his way.

Now onto the gory bits. 18 months ago (or there-abouts) they found a tumour in Dad's colon. It was small, completely encapsulated, and needed no chemo after removal. It was a clean operation but as they needed to do a by-pass for the bowel (into a bag) it was never-the-less a tricky one. When they sent him home he became very ill as the fitting for the by-pass was not sealed and waste was leaking into his stomach. This caused him to nearly die and he ended up staying in hospital an extra 4 weeks and losing 25kgs. NOT a good way to do it.

Anyway move forward 18 months and they find another tumour. The plus side to having a bag is you can see instantly if there is something wrong. Dad saw some blood and went straight to the Dr. The tumour, again, was small and apparently fully encapsulated. However this operation was different to the last. Instead of just removing the tumour (which was the size of a pea) they removed the colon, half his lower intestines and then sewed the lot up.

That's going to hurt for a while.

But he is alive, he can still play with and talk to his grandchildren. He can still heap shit on me (which is our normal way of showing how much we love each other). And he is happy about that. I am not sure how he will deal with the mental side of things after his body has healed but knowing him he will be cracking jokes about it in a few short weeks.

This is why I had been a bit quiet this last month. I thought it so unfair after what he and my Mum have already been through and I started feeling sorry for myself as I am not ready to be an orphan yet. Then I realised that not taking care of myself, not eating properly was just setting up my children to have the same problem with me in years to come, and that is what made me take myself to task and start doing healthy things again.

And, to be fair to me, Mark has been working in Melbourne during the week for the past 4 weeks so weekdays have been very hectic for me and when the weekends came around the last thing I wanted to do was sit in the study and 'compute'...

OK. I better finish this before someone walks behind me and wanders what I am up to :D
Have a wonderful day.

Posted by Margaret at 8:22:00 am | Permalink | Comments

I think it is fantastic that at age 38 I can still list off things that are 'firsts' in my life. Not just first in relation to my children - of which are many and brilliant - but in relation to me. This year alone has seen so many firsts that I am going to try and remember them all and list them here.


It is the first year I have had 'girl friends'. I have always been a 'guy friends' kind of girl and also been very happy with my own company, but having friends who are girls and who share things and open up their lives has been wonderful. And the fact that these people are now not just words on a screen. They are flesh and blood and have their own accents and ideas and histories. This is a great first.

It is the first year since I was 18 that I walked into a pub alone. I am happy to report I have done it several times since LOL.

It is the first time I have done Nordic Walking - not something I am continuing long term but it was a great experience.

This year was my first City 2 Surf. And it was fantastic and will not be my last. As luck should have it I received my certificate in the post today and I have scanned it so you all can see what a clever little bunny I am. :) (later)

It was the first time I hula hooped. Now this was a real eye opener and something that I am continuing and plan to do as long as I can. It is fun, and funny, and challenging and a great way to let yourself go in a childish - free kind of way.

I became an Avon Lady. I am supposed to say Avon Representative but that doesn't make me laugh as much.

It is the first time EVER that I have attended a Yoga class. I went to a BRILLIANT workshop run by Shiny Ruby. I went with Mary and Little Grover was there too, along with a number of other people I didn't know. I had the best time and really got into it. I think I fell a little in love with something I never understood before.

It is the first time I strained/torn an intercostal muscle doing said brilliant yoga workshop. LOL. I thought I had cracked a rib and after thinking I was having a heart attack and where every breath I took in and out felt like I was tearing small pieces of flesh from the inside I went to my Chiro (after I had been to the Dr who diagnosed a cracked rib) who tested the area and reset the intercostal muscle and I am happy to report that the pain I had been experiencing almost instantly melted away. That is a first I don't want to repeat again. BUT I will be going back to Yoga because that was fantastic :)

It is the first time I have weighed myself at a chemist. Yep I have decided that weighing in a slightly public area is what I wanted to do and rather than go to a ww'er meeting I picked a Chemist in the city and will walk there every Monday lunch and get my weight. This is why the starting weight is a bit higher than I would have expected but it is middle of the day, fully clothed versus morning, sans clothing weight. It is just a snapshot.

This year is the first time I registered to do a Tri-athlon. Yep, I am always inspired by Sue and when she did hers I went hunting at the time and couldn't find anything appropriate for me to do, but after following a link from Phil's post about her Tri training I ended up finding a great "Enticer Tri" that I will do in February 2007. Doing a Tri will be on my list of firsts for next year :D For you Tri enthusiasts out there this one is very little - 250m swim, 10k ride, 2.5km run. As you know the limit of my running is only about 2 light poles so this is the area I will be working on. But I am so excited that I have something to train for. It will help me to be a bit more disciplined about getting out there and doing it. (and anyone who wants to do it with me is more than welcome to check it out!)

It is the first time I have purchased a Dixie Chicks album!! Yes that's what I thought too, but they have been in the press a lot lately in regards to the statements made in 2003 at a concert in London, and I have been so impressed by the way they have handled themselves with the media here. I may or may not agree with the sentiment expressed by them, but what I like, what I respect, is that they can articulate WHY they said it and not apologise for standing up for what they believe in. The single that has been getting the most attention "Not Ready To Make Nice" has some words in it which I think are really great.

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still made as hell
and I don't have time
to go round and round and round

They might have intended it to have one meaning but for me it can just as easily mean my relationship with my weight. I am not ready to make nice with it. I am happy with my body (sort of) and my self but not with my weight and I am not ready to back down and I am sick of going round and round and round so it is forward I go from here.

This year will be the first time I do archery, have a Christmas picnic in Sydney, and many other things. And next year I am going to continue to have firsts. Hopefully the reaching goal first will be amongst the mix ;D

Did you notice that the bulk of my firsts have all got to do with other bloggers - gotta love them all *mwah*

What have you done that is a first in your life this year?




(N.B. If you have any good vibes, prayers, wishes - please send them my Dad's way. He is currently in theatre having a pretty major op and I just want him to come out of it. Everything else we will deal with later.)

Posted by Margaret at 8:36:00 pm | Permalink | Comments

Fact:
Closing my mouth on the blogs does not equal closing my mouth to food.

Fact:
I am not giving up, I am going to pick up where I left off (well I am going to pick up quite a few kgs heavier than where I left off), and I am going to take it a day at a time.

Fact:
It is going to take me a little while to get back to a regular routine of blogging, reading, commenting, supporting, but I will do it. And I will do it in a safe and balanced way.

Fact:
It feels good to be here :D (Thank you)

Posted by Margaret at 11:30:00 pm | Permalink | Comments