Way back in April 2005, when I started my journey, it was all about weight loss, better health, and having no expectations of when that would happen. This worked really well for me. I lost a reasonable amount of weight. I learned to do things in a healthier way. And I was able to meet and make some really great new friends. So when 2006 started I decided I would set myself some specific goals. How much weight I was going to lose. When I was going to lose it. What size I would be etc etc. As the year progressed I passed milestones that made me realise I wasn’t going to hit those targets. And try as hard as I could – I couldn’t help but let it mess up my head a little. I feel ashamed. I feel like a failure. I feel like a fraud in many many ways.
2006 just didn’t work out the way I had planned.
Even though it is not an excuse I have had many personal challenges this year. Family challenges, health challenges, time challenges, and financial challenges. All of which I will carry with me in the new year to some degree. Some are improving already and should be easier to deal with, and some are in the process of becoming a lot worse. I have made a deal with myself that whatever happens I
can face it and I
will face it head on. I will make sure my family is with me, we have a roof over our heads, and we are all safe. Anything over and above that will be a bonus. And I am sure it will be well over and above that but I am making sure my priorities are straight.
*****
I am really looking forward to Christmas this year. Christmas to me is not about the religion but more about the spirituality that is around at that time. People seem to be more giving, more open, and more forgiving. And it is forgiveness that I am giving myself this year.
I forgive myself for not being perfect. No-one is and as long as I am being the best I can be, for more days than I am not, then I am doing a good job.
I forgive myself for not being a perfect friend. I know and understand that I am not the only person in the world who has issues and is busy. I know and understand that those who are counted as my friends, and count me amongst theirs, know and understand this too, and our friendships will survive and grow in the new year.
I forgive myself for not reaching my weight goals. I have managed to maintain a reasonable amount of my loss of 2005. This is a good thing. And shows me that with a bit of adjustment in the mental stakes, and a large dose of planning, I will be able to shake myself off and begin the new year with a new purpose and go back to the origins of the journey. That is – improve myself in many ways, have a goal to work towards that is healthy, and work towards those goals. When they arrive – they will arrive. Do not put pressure on myself.
*****
Now back to the original question. What Next?
Well for me what comes next is a new year, a new start, a new gentle focus, and a new chance to learn a little bit about me and what I need to go forward in a healthy safe way.
I am going to find a yoga class that I can go to regularly and learn a little bit more about it. I have definitely been bitten by the bug (thanks to
Shiny Ruby and
Mary) and want to do something that is good for my body and give my mind a workout too.
I am going to get back to walking at work. After the Global Corporate Challenge finished it was like I put the brakes on and have not walked seriously since. That was October 25th and I can feel the effects on my fitness. And I need to do my exercise at lunch again as my time planning will shift next year with Darcy starting school. It will take some adjustments and I am sure I will have to modify things as I go along, but I am positive that I can make it work.
*****
So now I come to the end of my diatribe. I want to wish everyone a very joyous Christmas and a safe and happy and successful start to the New Year. I am looking forward to the Sydney Bloggers Christmas Picnic on Saturday (which follows the Kindy Christmas concert on Friday and proceeds Darcy’s 5th Birthday Party on Sunday, and his Kindy graduation on Monday) and will be heading to the park to have a load of fun and to try and remember how to keep a hula hoop up on my hips! LOL. If it is possible that any Blogger from Sydney does not already know about, or has forgotten about the Picnic, please head over to Mary’s Blog where the details are. If you are interested (and please come – the more the merrier) please email Mary for the details.
I will be heading off to Adelaide next weekend so will continue to remain off air until the new year when I will come back, re-introduce myself and my goals, and hopefully make 2007 a more successful year all round.
Merry Christmas from my family to yours.
M xx
